N. Hanson's Point of View
I knew I needed to tell Bryce I needed space, but why do I feel so shitty about it? I mean, it's what we both need. It's what I want, right? Or am I just saying I need space cause I'm afraid of being vulnerable? Maybe I just need to go somewhere to think. I don't think Bryce will be at our spot. It should be okay.
I walked out of my house, leaving a note for my mom and riding my bike to the spot. As I reached the spot, I realized it had been changed. Why was it built? Did construction pick up again? No, it would've been in the papers. Right?
I opened the door and my heart dropped. Holy hell. It was perfect. It was exactly how we had planned it to be. Down to the exact details. I said I didn't want a grand gesture, but maybe it's what I needed. For him to prove it.
Prove what? That he loves me? He doesn't love me. He does something nice for me and I just jump to conclusions. That's what got me in this situation in the first place. Being presumptuous. Or just simply ignorant.
I quickly took notice of the papers pinned on the walls. I grabbed the closest one to the door and began to read it.
Hey you,
I'm not sure I'll ever find the courage to even show you this. Maybe I'll just throw this away. Maybe you hate me, and we'll never talk again. So then, I'll never even have the option to tell you. Tell you how I feel about this whole mess. I gotta tell you, Naomi. I feel so unbelievably terrible. I know I could never understand what you've gone through, but I gotta tell ya.. if what I'm feeling is even a fraction of what you're feeling then... Jesus, I don't know what to say! This is just me blabbing about something you probably don't give a shit about. But, you've just gotta know that you drive me crazy! Absolutely mad!
I don't know why it took me so long. I'm sorry. I've known for... forever! I've always known, but I'm too much of a coward to see it. I was an ignorant coward, but now I'm just a complete ass. And I hate that you probably hate me. If anyone else hated me I wouldn't give a shit. But the thought of you hating me, god. It's too much to bare! Knowing that I... that I, you know. I would say it, but I don't want the first time you hear it be on paper.
I want you to hear me say it. Proudly. You don't even have to say it back! I just need you to know that I do. I do! So so so so much! And for so long that it's actually embarrassing. But, I know you wouldn't mock. You're too sweet. Even though I deserve it, you'd never.
Anyways, I just fought Jacob. Nobody is safe anymore. I'm so bitter it's disgusting. I loathe myself. But, I.. you know.. those three words. Whenever you are reading this, just know it's still true. It will always be true. Even after this world ends. It'll still be true. When the ocean dries up. When humans cease to exist. When we are long gone. It'll still be true. You may not believe me anymore. But this is a promise. One that I'll never break. I hope I'll see ya. This is the part where you tell me "Not if I see you first."
Bryce Loski
I chuckled a little, wiping my eyes. You can't deny it now. You love him. Better go tell him before it's too late.
