Revealed

38. Jeremy

There's a lot of tension. I can feel it. But I know Solie's getting more and more broken on the inside and only wants the truth. And to be honest, I can't deny that I have some type feelings for her that won't go away. It feels like instinct to make her happy. So I have to start by letting her know who I really am and what situation I'm in.
I take the deepest breath I've ever taken. It might have actually even choked me a little.
"My name is Jeremy Torres Thorne. My parents are Hannah and Christian. I don't call them 'mom' or 'dad'. I call them by their first names. They haven't earned that title. All they ever do is throw their money around and find ways to make my life miserable. They make it seem like they're helping me, but if they really cared, they would have had private investigators looking for me right now. It's not like they can't afford it. They probably knew I would run away and planned the whole thing out-"
Solane cuts me off. Her eyes are big with shock. Not the good kind. The kind where it looks like she's saying, "What the fuck are you doing with your life." but instead she replies, "Your parents sound horrible. Maybe you're just not understanding them well enough."
I shake my head in disagreement a little too quickly in response. It's cute how she always tries to see the good in a clearly bad situation. Taking a moment I tell her, "I once heard Christian telling Hannah that I was a mistake."
Solie looks out of words, so she sits back with her legs crossed on the floor and continues listening. I take another deep breath.
"I never really felt appreciated. So, I found a group of people who understood and appreciated me." I'm shaking in fear now. How would Solie react to what I'm about to tell her? "They practically became my new family. They taught me their... 'religion'... which was part of the reason why I ... I went to juvenile detention... twice.."
Solie flinches at the word "twice". Shit.
"What.. what did you do?" She can't even look me straight in the eyes anymore and her eyebrows are furrowed.
"The first time was when I was twelve. I punched a police officer who caught me skipping school. The second time was when I was sixteen. I used a fake ID to get into a bar and drank underage three times..."
Solane moistens her lips. Her hands slide through her hair as she avoids eye contact with me. I'm dropping too much information on her. Her fragile, tiny self isn't be able to take everything. I haven't even gotten to the serious part yet.
"If this is too much for you, we can do this later-"
"No... I want to know everything now."
I was hoping she would say, "Yeah later sounds fine" because I'm not ready to see her face when she finds out the main points about my crappy life. But I have no choice but to continue.
"Well... this family I've been talking about, it's a gang. A group of people who do bad things to get what they want. They introduced me to their boss. That was Harrison."
"Harrison is a gang banger?!" She seems unusually surprised. I'd have thought she saw that coming. "Makes sense. He had a freaking GUN." There it is, the realization.
"Over time, I worked for him. I learned all of his tricks and plans. He pretty much taught me everything I know about being a..." I stutter. My sentences get more and more confident when really, I should be worried about a lot of other things.
"Being a what?" Solane asks with a raised eyebrow. I've already been caught. There's no turning back now.
"Being a drug dealer, a thief, a scammer," I look down at the floor, "A kidnapper..."
Solie wipes her eyes. I can't tell if she's tearing up or if she's frustrated, but I want so badly to get the conversation over and done with that I continue speaking without looking at her again.
"When I got all the techniques down, I thought to myself, why work for someone else, when I can be my own boss? So I left the gang. Of course, it wasn't that easy. For quite a while, Harrison considered me a traitor and pretty much vowed to kill me and take all I had and ever wanted. But I found leverage on him. I can't tell you what it is, because then you'll be at risk. Please understand, that I'm not telling you, because I'm trying to protect you."
I notice Solie blush. It isn't plainly visible because of her melanin skin, but anyone can tell she's flustered and understands my point. After she regains her composure, I laugh to myself and begin again.
"I can't get away from this life. It's like everywhere I go, someone or something keeps me connected to it. They're forcing me to stay this way."
"Nobody can force you to be someone you're not," Solie says in a whisper. Her eyes well up and a tear falls down her cheek. She tries to hide it by putting her head down and letting her hair fall in front of her. I want to wipe that tear off her face, pull her into a tight hug, and ask her what's on her mind. What's making her emotional? But I don't.
She sniffs. "I already told you I was found as a kid. I didn't add the part about me nearly dying..."
Woah. I didn't see that coming.
"My dad died when I was two years old. My mom ditched me in an alley soon after that. I was an only a child. I couldn't do anything on my own. I didn't know the world around me or the people in it. There I was, a small child, left in an alley for dead. Imagine it."
And I do just that. In my head, I have what seems to be the most accurate vision of what happened. I can't even stand the sight of it. It almost makes me cry. Almost. I can't look like a fool in front of her. I'm already embarrassed enough.
"Mama Dee. She found me. She raised me as her own. I helped her out in her shop."
"Oh so you don't own it?"
"No. But Mama tells me she signed it off to me in her will."
I nod. I can't think of what else to do. These types of situations never occur to me.
"I don't remember most of my childhood. But I think my mom must have hated me a lot to have even thought about killing me." She's tearing up again. This time she doesn't try to hide it. "I never even knew my dad.." She can barely get the words out of her mouth. I want to comfort her. But that's not my place. I need to stay in my place. I mean...do I have to?
"I don't know why she'd hate you. You're like an angel daughter. Every mom wants a child like you. Smart, talented, beautiful, and successful."
She blushes again while wiping her tears away. At least I'm making progress.
"And you're the complete opposite. You're a devil child. No parent wants a son like you." She laughs and sniffs at the same time. It makes me feel better that she's in a better mood, but why does she have to use me as an example? Am I really that bad?
"But if I were your mom, I'd be proud of you. Recognizing that what you did was wrong is a really big step. It shows you're responsible. To me, it's like you're making progress."
My heart skips a beat. That literally never happened to me before. Now I know what it feels like and why people say it. It's the feeling where you think your adrenaline is rushing, but really you're just imagining unrealistic things, till you realize, you actually are having an adrenaline rush. And can I just add, this feeling, I never want it to go away. I feel excited. I feel alive and in control of my life.
A silence drops on us again. The candle glows brightly. Solane is smiling. Though she's biting her lip and trying not to look at me directly at the same time. Some of her hair falls on her face again and covers one of her eyes as she looks down to the floor once again.
This is my chance to find something out about her. So I ask the only question that keeps repeating in my mind.
"And why does a perfect little girl like you not have a prince at her feet?" Solane's face changes from happy to annoyed very quickly.
Shit, I offended her. Trying to redeem myself, I add, "Not that you'd need one. You're a pretty amazing, independent woman..."
She looks at me for a brief second and smirks before chuckling. "I haven't found the right guy yet.... But what about you? Every girl wants a badass boyfriend. Especially the independent leader type." Her tone is comedic but at the same time, serious. Is she referring to herself?
The mood is so awkward, but in an amusing and comfortable way. I have to take advantage of this situation.
"I have my eye on this girl. She's light skinned. Long, curly, dark brown hair. Beautiful. Adventurous. Risk taking. Smart. She even made it through her life without actual parents. That's pretty hot."
Solie blushes profusely. Her heart must be beating extremely fast because I can practically see it. She's trying to take advantage of the situation too.
"What are you waiting for?" Her breaths get more and more heavy. I like it.
"I'm not sure. I'm kinda afraid."
"A gang leader afraid? Afraid of what?"
"Rejection. What if she can't get over my past and who I am as a person?"
Solie gets onto her knees and crawls seductively closer to me. Her body moves slowly in my direction.
"I'm sure she doesn't care and feels same way towards you."
At this point, Solie's so close to me. Our breaths entangle once again and we're both shaking. Solie has a huge effect on me physically and mentally because my mouth starts saying it's own words.
"I want her so badly."
"She wants you."
If this isn't an obvious enough sign for me to grab her and kiss her, then I don't know what would be. I use my free hand to pull her waist in as close as it can get and she aggressively grabs my shirt. This is no kiss. We're going full on makeout session. It starts off softly. Her soft, honey-glazed lips on mine. When she parts for air, my lips immediately miss her.
"Jeremy..." She says softly. Her voice rings in my ears. "I'm a virgin." I stare into her eyes once more. How did I get so lucky to get her?
"That doesn't matter to me," I whisper before kissing her again. Her heart beats on my chest and it makes me feel so safe.
She tugs at my hair softly and I swear I feel sparks. I drag my fingers over the skin on her thigh. It's so smooth and I've been waiting to smell her hair again for so long.
Each movement between us feels so right.