HTTYD: You Don't Know the Meaning of "Nice"? (Hiccstrid)

Chapter 38

Astrid's P.O.V.

I can't believe he found out. I stared at myself in the mirror, my hand slowly reaching for the razor I used for my legs. I tried to stop my muscles but my body wouldn't  obey my brains commands. I couldn't do anything. Just watch as my body took the pain away. Today brought back so many unwelcome memories and my head was telling me this was a fast way to get rid of them. My fingers gently wrapped around the razor's handle before my back bent and I rolled up my pant leg. I sat on the counter and pulled my knee to my chest before placing the blade, sideways, on my skin. I then applied pressure and pulled upward, feeling the small sting as it sliced my flesh. I did that a few more times and paused, feeling the fear drain from my veins. Then, I raised my left arm and did it again, about five times along my forearm and wrist. That took care of the dread. Now for the sorrow. I couldn't stop myself as the blade rose to my brow. No! I screamed inwardly. What if I get blinded?! 

That didn't stop the razor as it slowly pressed to the area just above my eye. Tears slipped into my eyes as the stinging started. Then, my hand pulled down with such speed, I barely had time to close the lid. I was left panting as I stared at the lashes and little eye brow hairs that were taken off. I closed my eye, to try and keep blood out of it, and applied pressure with my palm. I looked at myself in the mirror and slowly took my hand away. There were four red lines of blood running right over my eye and half way down my cheek. I looked at my arm and leg to see that they were covered in blood. They were almost dripping. I quickly took off my clothes and got in the shower, the warm water stinging my limbs as it washed the cuts. When I'm washed, I get out and dry off before wrapping my arm in a thick layer of gauze, cutting off just below where my thumb met my palm. Then, I do the same to my leg and press a tissue to my eye lid. I was kinda surprised they were still bleeding. I guess the blade went pretty deep. I took the tissue away and looked at my eye...to be honest, it made me look, in my opinion, pretty bad-ass. I wrapped a towel around me before going into my main room to change. I jumped as a fist pounded on my locked door.

"Astrid! Let me in!" Hiccup's voice shouted.

"Hang on, I'm just getting out of the shower," I called, trying to sound calm as I ripped through my drawers. If he saw my arm and leg, he'll kill me. Well, I guess he's gonna see my eye and kill me anyway. Once I'm dressed, in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, I brush my hair in front of my eye and walk to the door. Hiccup looked around my room before me.

"Are you okay?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes. Why?" I ask, trying to hide how nervous I was. His eyes narrowed before his hand rose and brushed my hair behind my ear. I winced, preparing for him to yell.

"You don't look okay," he says harshly as he pushes me back and makes me sit on the bed. He closes the door and goes to the bathroom, pausing in the doorway. Shoot. Forgot to hide the towel. He comes back with a first aid kit and sits next to me. "You said you'd cut the wood," he says and tears start down my face.

"I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't do anything!" I was sobbing and couldn't hold it back. The mere thought of when my dad tried to rape me was enough to ruin my life. Enough to cause me to take my life. Hiccup gently pinched my chin and turned my head to face him. His gaze softened upon seeing mine.

"Just put it out of your mind for now," he said softly and I nodded before he gently dabbed a stinging liquid onto my eyelid as I closed it. I could tell he tried to make it as painless as he could but it still burned like a thousand suns. When he was done, the washcloth was died red. "Where else did you cut?" he asks and I pull up my pant leg and sleeve. "Astrid!" he exclaimed softly as he saw the long red lines that stretched up my shin. 

He gently grabbed my wrist and unwrapped my arm before holding a towel under it as he poured hydrogen peroxide on the cuts. White foam fizzed from the openings and Hiccup wiped it away before repeating the process. When he's done and the cuts are no longer foaming, he wraps my arm back up in fresh gauze. He then lifts my leg into his lap and does the same thing. When he's finished, he looks at me and I try not to meet his gaze. 

"Astrid why would you do this?" he asks.

"...My body said it was the only way. Only way to get rid of the memories. I don't get it! I thought I got away from this!" I cried, burying my face in my hands. Hiccup moved next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, shushing me gently.

Hiccup's P.O.V.

"Okay, so tomorrow at 4, thank you," I say into my phone before hanging up. 

Astrid had fallen asleep on my shoulder, with my arm around her own shoulders, after we had a long talk about stuff that her group's done in the past. Why didn't I kick them out the first time fear flashed through her eyes? She was obviously uncomfortable around them and I didn't see it until an hour ago. I thought it was me, that I was taking it too far. Maybe it was a little bit of both...I don't know. And I want to. I pulled her further into my side before resting my head on top of hers. I just hope I'm the first one to wake up.

Morning

My eyes eased themselves open to be met with dim sunlight, shining through Astrid's closed curtains. The girl herself was snuggled into my chest, her shoulder poking into my ribs in a heavenly way. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I was mad that I couldn't show her my feelings. Just maybe... I pulled her closer before shifting to a more comfortable position and falling back asleep. In 7 hours, we're going to get to the bottom of her thoughts, memories, and feelings, and we are gonna find a way to help her with them. A way that doesn't involve a knife or blade of any sort.