study with me ✎ m.yg x p.jm

여덟

this time, i really did choke on my own saliva. jimin saw my eyes tearing up after coughing violently only a few times, and sprung up to comfort me. he patted my back and gave me water that he found from somewhere in my room and i downed it, carefully though.

when my breathing was back under control, the only thing i could say was "what the fuck, jimin?"

he looked at me, still searching. "so... is that a yes? or..." he trails off.

i was gay, that i've known for a long time, but not everybody in my vicinity is super accepting of it. the only people i had ever told was jin, my parents, and a few close friends. and not even those three people all accepted it. only jin and my friends, namjoon, hoseok, and ann.

"what that was is not your business, jimin." i huffed. i'd love to tell him, but knowning how easily he could ruin me at school is also a thought in my mind.

when hoseok first came out, it was only to namjoon and i. we didn't care, of course. until it involved us. i dated hoseok in middle school, and when there was an incident that spread like wildfire, the school cared. in the wrong way, that is. i had my fair share of pain because of it, but every day he would go home with bruises on his torso, mainly, all from the rude assholes at school pulling him into the bathroom between classes. it only stopped because he made a scene and stood up to them. right when he was about to be dragged into the bathroom one day, instead of silently pleading for them to stop, he screamed at the top of his lungs and drew everybody's attention, including his, at the time, crush's.

he was absolutely mortified that his crush was one of the people to see it happen first-hand, but hoseok had already made his decision on what he was going to do. he screamed horrible things at the kids who had now dropped him on the ground, and started to attack the kids, one by one. everybody around them just stared, until namjoon and i turned the corner and saw what was happening. we pulled hoseok away into a different bathroom on the other side of the school and spent the day in there with him, until school was let out, where we made the decision to go out when the other kids did.

they all stared. just stared. they stared at hoseok, and his red face that had tear stains on it. but they also moved out of his way when we came to walk out. it was the weirdest and most intense day of my life. one i'll never forget.

and it also wasn't going to happen to me. not again. everyone seemed to have forgotten what had happened, and it needed to stay that way.

"but you seem gay! like... i don't know! you have a different attitude towards things i guess." he pouts and crosses his arms.

"i seem gay? how fucking precious. i'm not gay, jimin." i paused for a second a took a deep breath. "what about you, are you gay?"

"yup!"

i froze.

"what?"

"i said, 'yup'!"

i slowly turned fully to him.

"you're like, actually gay? like, would suck a dick and like it, gay?" i question, making sure.

"um, yeah..." he shys away.

he suddenly panics and crawls towards me desperately. "please don't tell anyone! you're the only that knows! please! i'm still human and my stupid self, like, i'm not an alien! i promise!"

i felt my throat closing a small bit as i also felt my face heat up at his begging.

"jimin, i would never see you any less than human, ok? being gay isn't a bad thing. i never thought it was. and of course i won't tell anybody." i pause and collect my thoughts, before he can speak i cut him off, "am i the first person you've come out to?"