study with me ✎ m.yg x p.jm

서른셋

jimin

it was another few days before he woke up when i was there. i was told not to wake him up if he was sleeping, so it was hard to talk to him at all.

"still feel like shit?" i ask.

"110%." he responds, sitting up.

"when can you get out?" i ask.

"they think next week i can go home. then to wait another week until i can go back to school. speaking of, how much shit have i missed?" his better eye looks at me.

"a lot, i'll help you study though. finals are soon, too." he groans. "yeah, sorry."

"i don't want to fucking do finals."

"well, you have to, just like everyone else."

"how's your dancing coming along?"

last time, i agreed to work on a choreography just for him, with permission and some help from my dance teacher, since it was his studio.

"good, there's just a little bit left before i can do the whole thing, but it's coming along well. it should be ready by the time you're out." i pat his leg.

"can't wait." he laughs.

"so... have you done anything but lay here?"

"use the bathroom."

"you know what i mean! do they let you out of this room?"

"not really. i've had a couple cops visit me, but that's it."

"oh."

i wanted to ask. i needed to ask.

"yoongi hyung... can i ask you something?" i look him in the eyes, trying to let him know it's a serious topic that i want to touch on.

"sure, jimin." he seems to understand, his sigh being one that sounds stressed - and i haven't even asked him yet.

"why didn't you say anything?" my voice was small, just like the day it happened when i asked his sleeping figure that, at the time, couldn't answer me. now he could. now, he couldn't avoid it.

"jimin, it's a lon—"

"we have time."

he sighs in defeat, patting the spot on the small bed next to him. i climb in and he cuddles me immediately, resting his head on my chest and wrapping his arms around me.

"the man who you saw, that wasn't my dad. my real father left when i was young, so my mom started drinking and doing drugs. some nights she'd bring home a guy and not care that i was in the next room. whenever she was gone, it was heaven. until she felt one guy was important enough to introduce to me, formally. like, over dinner, formal. she said that he was the man of her dreams. and he was." he paused, collecting his thoughts. i patted his chest to let him know to take his time.

"that's when jin came into the picture. he was the man's kid, who's mother had died in a car crash a few years ago. i was 6, and he was 7 when we met. he was my angel, practically. he was the picture perfect kid, though, even at 7. he still is. he warned me about his dad, about how sometimes he'd be a little weird, and i thought "oh, well everyone's a little weird," but he didn't mean it like that." his voice cracked on the last sentence, and i looked at him.

"you can stop if you want." i whispered. he shook his head, took a deep breath and continued.

"one night, around 9 pm, i was woken up by him. he said there was a man who broke into the house, so i had to be very quiet." i felt a tear drip onto my face from his. "jin and my mom weren't with him, so i was confused. i tried asking where they were, but he just ignored me. jimin, he—" he was cut off by a sob. i hugged him gently, knowing some of him was still bruised.

"he raped me, that night. i was 6, jimin!" he cried into my shoulder and i had to admit, tears were slipping out of my eyes, too.

"after that, i was... i don't know. i stopped smiling for a while. the feeling never went away, and i couldn't even look at him without wanting to run away. i told jin the week after, because he said he was really worried about me. i didn't know what it was, so i just described it as "he put his peepee in me"." he tried to laugh at his 6 year old vocabulary.

"jin knew what i meant though, and taught me the word "rape". he told me it's illegal, and that he would be there for me whenever i needed him, like a real big brother. but after that, it only got worse. he'd come into my room at least once a week and beat me senseless. as i got older, i started to fight back. and when i got around 13, 14, i could actually hit him with some impact. but i stayed with friends a lot, to avoid it. my mom knew damn well what he was doing, and completely disregarded it." he toyed with my hair, trying to calm down.

"jin, however, didn't have any friends at school. he got bullied, instead. if he tried to tell dad, well... at the end of middle school, he started online school to avoid high school drama, and all the kids who knew him from before. so he started taking my beatings. if i wasn't there, jin got it. so i stopped staying with friends. he didn't deserve it, he did nothing wrong. hoseok knows, because i dated him all through 8th grade. in the middle of 8th grade, i decided to come out to my parents." he stopped.

"it was the worst decision i've ever made." he looked at me. "you're so lucky to have parents who love you for you, so please, never take them for granted, please." i nod and he looks back at the ceiling to continue.

"he made sure i never had friends over after that, suspicious that one of them was my boyfriend. jin found out after my dad tried to beat it out of me, and jin supported me through all of it. at the end of 8th grade, like, the last month, hoseok and i were so into each other that we couldn't help ourselves one day. because i'm yours now, i'll spare you the details, but hoseok and i made out of the back of the school that day, only to be caught by the one and only kang seulgi. she told everyone. and by everyone, i mean everyone. teachers, security guards, parents, if she could. it carried on into freshman year, even though hoseok and i had broken up after that because we just mutually started to become friends again." he was calmer now, maybe the worst part was over.

"hoseok and i were bullied at school. badly. sometimes i could barely walk through the halls because i had already been abused at home then abused at school, too. i had no where to go because my mom would've called the cops on my if i wasn't home by a certain time. over time, though, my mom and dad went out more, leaving jin and i alone a lot, so we had friends over and went out, trying to be normal teens. and so far, it's worked. until... you know." he kissed my hand, and i ran my fingers over his knuckles.

"i know you don't want pity, you're that kind of person. but, i am so sorry that all that happened, yoongi. min yoongi doesn't deserve to be beaten senseless, didn't deserve to be raped, didn't deserve the shit treatment he got. he doesn't deserve any of it." i kissed him gently, as if his lips were made of glass. "i love you, so much. i'd die for you, you know that?" he nods.

"i would die for you too, park jimin. you're really worth it." he brushed hair out of my face, making me smile. "stay with me tonight?"

"you know it's against the rules, yoongi." i giggled. he had asked me this every night, and every night i'd end up staying and getting yelled at by the staff in the morning. yoongi refused treatment if they banned me from seeing him though, so there wasn't much they could do about it.

"yeah, but i love you, so." he curls up to me, already comfortable.

"i love you, baby." i kiss the top of his head.

"i love you too."

yooooo havE YOU SEEN THE COMEBACK STAGE???? DAMNNNN AIRPLANE PART 2 IS A YOONMIN NAMJIN A N D VKOOK ANTHEM GOD D A M N (also i wrote this in like an hour wtf that's a whole new record i have time off today (bc being an author who updates every day is like having a job with no breaks) lmaooo)