An earth walking angel

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A month on

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A month on...

There's never a good day for a funeral. That saying couldn't be transferred over from a wedding. There'd never be anyone rubbing their hands together saying 'The sun is out, lovely day for a funeral.'

And you know why?

Because funerals are for mourning. I don't care what people say, I don't believe them when they tell us 'It's to celebrate their lives.' - It didn't make the loss any easier to deal with. It was just another stupid saying that I could add to my slow growing list.

But the weather wasn't the issue today, as deemed appropriate, thick clouds filled the sky and rain poured down. Causing the town built from sheer dirt and desert to be awash with water.

As the car came to a stop, I felt a tear roll down my cheek, almost resembling the water which rolled down the window to my side. Headstones lined together, whilst a multitude of colour laid in front of them, from the bouquets of loved ones who had came to visit.

A hand takes mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze. I give a soft smile to the cross tattoo on the forefinger, and follow the hand up to Zak, who's sat beside me. His hair was gelled, his clothes were always black, but today they seemed a little darker.

"I'm right here."

I nod briefly and place my hand on top of his.

The last few weeks had been the most difficult. I'd wake up screaming, I'd cry myself to sleep, I wouldn't eat and one occasion I had passed out. Until Zak was forced to go out and by the protein and mineral drinks after he learned that I was heading down a slippery slope. But I tried, I really did. But nothing tasted right, it felt like ash in my mouth and before I could coax it down, I'd be running to the bathroom.

So now I had these drinks, that tasted a little awful at times, but they were keeping me going until I had my breakthrough with counselling. Another idea of Zak's.

The man was my everything and more. Patient, understanding and kind. He never lost his temper, he never raised his voice and at times I was a real bitch. But he simply let it go over his head, let me throw whatever tantrum I had, and then he'd pick me up, put me on his body and hug me until I felt better.

"I love you." I whisper.

"You too. Whenever you are ready."

I wet my lips and get out the car slowly almost jumping in fear when a man stood beside the car with an umbrella open and shielding me from the rain.

"Oh.. Thank you." I answer softly as he nods and lowers his hat.

Zak takes the umbrella and offers his other hand for me to take. Which I do.

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