Our crazy life

Chapter 16

When we got to the house I carried Sandy up to the bed room. I laid her in bed and pulled off her jeans and shirt leaving her in a black lacy bra and matching underwear. I went into the bathroom and grabbed her robe. I slid it onto her arms and tied it loosely around her belly. I crawled into bed with Sandy and held her very close and tightly to my chest. I kissed her forehead repeatedly and told her everything was going to be okay and that I loved her.

She started questioning "why did this happen" "what did I do to deserve this, I wanted to have a child with you Keanu. I wanted to give birth and have the motherly experience but now I don't get that. Why does such awful thing have to happen to us. Words can't even describe how excited I was to raise another baby. But now my whole life feels like it's getting flushed down the drain. A living being and a baby was growing inside of me and now it's dead.... I'm going to have to give birth to my dead child... Honey I can't do that, I just can't.."

Sandy was becoming very emotional the more she talked. I hushed her and said "I know baby, just lay here in silence. We will talk about it when your more stable to discuss the situation" Sandy didn't seem to listen. She kept rambling saying "what am I going to tell Louis. What if we have to burry our newborn baby. What if.. What if... What if.." She asked "what if I did something wrong during my pregnancy? What if I killed the baby" I snapped at Sandy when those words came out of her mouth "don't let me ever hear that come from your mouth again. These things happen all the time so don't blame yourself for this. You did nothing wrong. There was obviously a reason why our baby didn't live. Maybe there would have been complications when the baby was born. Maybe our son or daughter would have lived a miserable life on earth so the best thing for the baby was to die now. Peacefully."

Sandy didn't budge or say a word. I look down and it seemed like there was a puddle of tears. I rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. I said "baby, I think you need to sleep. To just forget about everything that's going on and just rest." I asked Gesine, Sandy's sister to pick Louis up from school because of the situation. I didn't know how to explain what had happened in a way for him to understand it and I know it was going to be hard.

I quickly got in the shower after Sandy was fully asleep before Louis got home. I stepped in the shower and let the water pour down my face. I needed to let my emotions out myself so I just bursted out into tears. I kept questioning "why" why do awful things have to happen to us... I quickly gathered myself as I heard Louis coming in the front door. I jumped out of the shower threw some clothes on and ran downstairs. Louis jumped into my arms and asked "where's mama at, and my bruder or sissy?"

My stomach dropped to the floor when he asked...