Our crazy life

Chapter 40 "White Walls"

Sandy's p.o.v

Weeks pasted by. Just sitting in a hospital bed looking at white walls, monitors and nurses. It was such a depressing environment. I felt like I was in prison locked up. But instead I was in a hospital receiving painful meds, and loosing my hair. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I didn't see myself in the mirror. I saw a weak unstable women who no longer had hair. I didn't feel beautiful and I didn't feel like Sandra Annette Bullock. I hated myself. I never say the word hate unless I truly mean it. But I'm miserable and I just want my chemotherapy to be over. I was tired of living in a hospital. I missed my baby boy and my husband. I just wanted to be at home with them enjoying life. But right now I couldn't enjoy life. As much as I was trying too I couldn't.

Keanu's p.o.v

These past few weeks have been extremely rough. I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I barely left the house unless I was going to see Sandy. At night I would reach over and feel an empty bed... Where Sandy would have been sleeping. I tossed and turned and couldn't get comfortable. There's been nights where I didn't sleep at all. I was up for a full 24 hours. I was miserable and I missed Sandy.

Today I was actually somewhat happy. Louis and I were going to visit Sandy in the hospital and Louie couldn't wait. I hated seeing Sandy... sick. I loved seeing her beautiful face but not miserable.

I walked into Louis's room rubbing his back. Good morning baby. Are you ready to go see momma? He jumped up out if his bed throwing his covers off. YES he shouted I wanna go see momma. Okay get dressed I said back helping him pick out his clothes. Once he was dressed I took him down stairs and poured him a class of orange juice and put a bagel in the toaster and spread cream cheese on top.

Here you go little man. Eat up.

Within 5 minutes his bagel was gone. He was so anxious to get to the hospital to see Sandy. He scarfed his bagel down and hoped of the chair.

"LETS GO" he shouted.

I grabbed the keys and we headed out the door.

I decided to stop at Kroger and get Sandy some flowers. I knew Louis would enjoy giving them to her. I pulled into a parking spot and looked back at Louis. He frowned questioning "why are we here daddy?" His eye brows raised. "I wanna see momma"

I laughed. We're going to get her flowers okay?

He started kicking his feet with excitement in his booster seat. "Let's go daddy. I wanna pick them out" he shouted.

We walked in the door and walked over to the balloons and flowers. I picked Louis up and showered him all the flower choices.

"Hmmm... I like these daddy" he said pointing to some daisy.

Alright I said. Let's go pay for them I said as I handed him the daisys.

We walked over to the cash register and Louis laid the flowers on the counter standing on his tippy toes.

"Hi little man" the cashier said smiling. "Who are these flowers for"

Louis smiled ear to ear and said proudly "MY MOMMA"

The cashier giggled as she scanned them and placed them in the bag.

"Here you go buddy" she said as she handed the bag to Louis.

Once I got Louis in the car and buckled him up we finally headed to the hospital. The car ride was silent besides a few crinkle sounds from the back seat. It was Louis playing with the plastic bag the flowers were held in. When we pulled up at the hospital and into a parking lot I turned around and looked at Louis. This was going to be the first time Louis has seen Sandy without hair and I didn't want him to be freaked out.

"Listen baby. Momma is sick and she is taking medicine to make her feel better. But the medicine makes momma loose her hair. So don't be scared. Just smile and give her a big hug. Okay?"

Louis shook his head yes not knowing what to say. His eyes widened and he grasped the flowers tightly as he hoped out of the car.

As we walked up to Sandy's room Louis and neither did I say a word. I had butter flys myself. I was scared Louis wasn't going to recognize Sandy and if he didn't I knew Sandy's heart would break into a million pieces knowing her own son didn't recognize his momma.

We finally came to Sandy's door. I grasped the door handle, turned it and opened it slowly. Louis walked in first holding the flowers. He looked up and saw Sandy and froze. His eye widened with confusion and said

"Momma, is that you?"