So this is a journal entry of mine that I edited so it's more demigodly. I feel like after all he's been through, Nico would a trauma based disassociation disorder (tag yo'self.) I like writing myself into my characters. Can you tell?
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No.
No.
No.
Not again. I've already done this once, twice, thousands of times. But alas, what I have to give is never enough. I slip back.
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That was the third flashback I've had this week. It really makes me wonder how much of my life is real. I mean, I lost a lot of my life. I've lost a lot of memories. I can barely remember anything about my childhood. I remember what memories I stole from my father, and about six others, but yeah. It's pretty depressing.
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I crash my head against the headboard again. It must be real if I can feel pain. No. I felt pain when I was in Tartarus. And the things they showed me can't be real. I felt pain when I was trapped in that jar. Not alive, but not quite dead. Honestly, either would have been preferable. But I wasn't that lucky.
I don't believe anything anymore. Is any of this actually happening?
"I never loved you. That's why I left." She said to me.
"Bianca, no. You left because you thought I was safe here. I don't blame you. And I don't blame Percy anymore, and I don't even blame myself."
She snarled at me, teeth bared like a rabid wolf. "You should." Then she vanished.
That wasn't real. But it felt like it was. It was one of the many terrible things I saw. If that wasn't real, there was no way this is. I crash my head against the headboard again.
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Oh gods. What if Will's not real? What if he's a figment of my imagination that I subconsciously created to deal with the fact that I am worthless and unlovable? No. I can not go down that rabbit hole right now.
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What if I'm still wandering through Tartarus, disassociating so badly that I think I'm here? What if I'm still in that jar, half alive? What if I'm still in the Lotus Casino, and am so desperate to leave that I'm dreaming of escape?
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YOU ARE READING
Solangelo Oneshots
FanfictionA good life is like a good collection of oneshots. There's fluff, angst, smut, and over explained gay puns. This has all of my old, unedited Solangelo fanfic. It's not always good, but it's always gay (like me.)
