Solangelo Oneshots

You're A Straight Ace Cutie

"Oh my god, that guy is so hot."
"I know, right? I kinda want to ask him out." Will said.
"But you're ace?" Kayla asked. "You can't date people."
"Kayla, c'mon. I've told this to you a million times. I'm asexual, not aromantic. I feel romantic attraction, just not sexual attraction. Even if I was aro, I could still want a relationship. Attraction doesn't equal love."
"Sheesh. I get it, you don't wanna bang that dude, you just want to watch a movie with him."
"Actually, I-"
"Are you about to say you do wanna bang him because not all ace people are sex repulsed?"
"No. I mean, it's true that we aren't all sex repulsed, but I was going to say that there's a theater next door."
"Oh." Kayla took a long swig of her coffee. "Okay."

"Hey." Will said.
The man looked up Will. "Hey."
"Um, I like your pin." He pointed to the short man's ace pride pin. "You're an, um, straight ace cutie."
"Thanks. I'm actually a gay ace cutie, but I appreciate the compliment."
"Oh, um that's good!"
"Why?"
"I don't know. I don't want to ask out a straight guy."
"Are you planning on asking me out? Because that's what you seem to be implying."
"Yeah. Do you want to go see a movie next weekend? I have a coupon for popcorn. It's still hella expensive, but the illusion of being frugal helps my self esteem."
"I would love to see a movie with you."

"Hey," Will said when he saw his date standing in front of the theater. "How are ya?"
"I'm good, actually." Nico replied.
"Great! Let's go watch a movie!"

"What. The. Fuck." Will said, nauseated. "Why did you pick that movie?"
"My sister said it was good," Nico said, "She was right, if good means 'makes you want to die and take the movie with you.' Because that's how I'm feeling right now. I want to die and take the movie with me."
"Same. But.... do you maybe want to go get lunch and talk about how bad the movie was?"
Nico smiled. "Sure."

"Okay, so, this pasta is delicious." Will said, filling his mouth with spaghetti, "So was the candy that hand ate."
"I swear, you're going to make me vomit."
"Just like that hand."
"Stop, man."
"Can I just do one more?"
"Fine."
"The hand died."
"That was a dark 'one more.'"
"Yeah, but it came back to life. I'd like to die and come back to life. Like Jesus, or a cool ass zombie."
Nico deadpanned, "Why would you want that?"
Will shrugged, "It sounds like it would be fun."
"How would that be fun?"
"It would be like a long nap. I'm a med student, I can use the sleep."
"Why don't you sleep now?"
"Because I'm here with you and sleeping would be rude."
"No," Nico explained, "Not, like, now now, but when you get home."
"When I get home I have to study. If I was dead for a bit I wouldn't have to study."
"Because you'd be dead. You do realize that taking a long nap for the same amount of time you'd be dead takes the same amount of time. You'd miss the studying either way."
"Nico, congratulations! You've broken my brain."
"Was it ever really unbroken to begin with?"
"Rude." Will shoved more spaghetti into his mouth. As soon as he swallowed, he continued to speak. "I bet I can eat more breadstick than you."
Nico smiled, "You're on."

Nico won the contest. "I am the carb king!" He yelled. Nearby tables glared at them.
"Damn. I'm not the carb king. I'm the pain peasant. Get it, because pain is French for bread. And we had a bread eating contest?"
"Yes, Will. I get the joke. It just wasn't that funny."
"I thought it was hilarious."
"You're a dork."
"I would be offended but it's true. I'm an adorable dork. There should be a word for that."
"There is. My sister, Hazel, says it all the time."
"Well, what is it?"
"Adorkable."
"I love it!"

"Sir," A passing waiter said, "Please stop yelling. You'll have to leave the establishment."
Nico had the sudden urge to start screaming, just to stick it to the guy who told him he couldn't. He didn't, but he really really wanted to.

"I kinda want to scream now. Just to stick it to the establishment." Will said. "I'm not going to. But I really really want to."
Nico smiled mischievously. "Let's do it."

"How was your date?" Hazel asked her brother as he flung himself onto his bed.
"It was so great. I got kicked out of Olive Garden for the second time this year. Only one more to go until I reach my goal."
"I don't get why that's your goal. That's a bad goal."
"You're just jealous that you've only been kicked out of Olive Garden once. And that wasn't even your own doing, I caused you to get kicked out."
"I promise you, I am not jealous."
"That's what they all say."