"Apollo, I swear on the river phlegethon that if you do not shut up I will kill you."
That shut him up, if only for a second. My stepmom, Persephone had accidentally created an Iris message, so Will and I were watching our parents talk about us. So far, Apollo had been even more annoying than Andy Bernard. Whenever I mention pop culture people are like, 'Woah, man! Aren't you like, 90?' It's really annoying yes, I was born in the 20's, but I'm still 15!
Sorry, I got distracted for a minute there. I'm adhd, it happens. Anyway, Apollo was standing atop my father's dining room table, dressed in large, puffy, Shakespeare-ey pants. He was pronouncing loudly that he approved of Will's 'Smush-Buddy' (what is wrong with you, Apollo?) and he felt as if he should leave a dead bird in my bed as a reward for choosing his son over all the others. Just for the record, I do not want a dead bird. Why do people always think I want dead birds? That's so obscure, and yet people always come up to me like, here, have my dead bird. Did Jason tape a sign to my back that says 'DISPOSE OF DEAD BIRDS HERE!'
I'm sick of it. And now Apollo was going to give me another dead bird. Just my luck.
"No! My son does not want more dead birds! No one wants your dead birds! Why don't you understand this?!? It's not that hard!" Hades yelled as Apollo raised his eyebrows.
"It's not that hard? Name of your sex tape."
Persephone slammed her hand down onto the table, "How dare you! Hades has a fine penis! Unlike your son, I bet!"
At the mention of his penis Hades stood up, and walked out of the room muttering, "Nope! Nope! Nope!"
Apollo looked shocked. "How dare you speak poorly of my son!"
Persephone glowered. "I bet my stepson has a charming dick."
It was weird for Will and I because
1. What the fuck, Apollo? Just.... What?
2. And Persephone? I expected more from you! You bet I have a 'charming dick?' What the actual Styx?!?
3. Neither of us have dicks? We're both transgender?
4. Even if we did have dicks, it would be none of your dam business!
Okay. Okay. I'm chill. But just image your stepmom (who's also the goddess of spring time, like every other step mother) saying that. Just sit on that thought for a while. It's disturbing. Will agreed. Immediately after he heard his dad defend his imaginary penis, he started vomiting, which I think was excessive. Whatever works for him, I guess.
Maybe one day we'll be able to laugh about this. Maybe one day I'll stop getting dead birds stuffed in my things. Maybe one day Apollo will look good in Romeo-pants. I don't know, we're demigods. Life's full of surprises.
Prompt sent to me by @Michiakalasbella. I hope this turned out the way you wanted it!
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Solangelo Oneshots
FanficA good life is like a good collection of oneshots. There's fluff, angst, smut, and over explained gay puns. This has all of my old, unedited Solangelo fanfic. It's not always good, but it's always gay (like me.)
