Solangelo Oneshots

Nightmare Children

Nico didn't like children very much. Will loved them. Neither of them wanted to have kids of their own, but they often watched their friends'. Percy and Annabeth's children, Ada, Ruth, and Elenor, Hazel and Frank's child, Emily, and Piper and Jason's children, Ceil and Bella. They were all about 7-10 years old, except for Emily, who was two. Nico loved them, he guessed. But they were nightmare children. Even Will agreed.

"I'm home!" Will yells, entering their home. "I've got ice cream!" He obviously didn't know the children were over. They crowd around him, reaching for the grocery bags and screaming "ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE CREAM"

Will had had a long day. Since it was flu season, he had an increase in patients. He had listened to children complain all day, and he wanted a break. He wanted to sit in bed and eat ice cream with his husband. But no, because nothing could ever be easy. The children were climbing all over their flat. Will knew the people living below them would complain about the noise, but at the moment, he barely cared. He did care that Ruth had gotten the ice cream and started plunging her hands into the slightly melty blob, pulling out clumps and shoving it in her mouth. The other children followed, getting the floor sticky in the process. He heard the sound of glass breaking, a baby crying, and Nico shouting, "Why are you like this, Ceil?!" Will decided that the ice cream monsters could handle themselves, so he went to help Nico.

Nico was so done with these kids. Ceil had broken a snow globe (where did he even find that?) Glass was all over the floor. Nico was getting a broom to clean it up, when Emily stumbled into it. Nico was sure he had closed the door, but he obviously hadn't. Or maybe Emily had learned how to open doors. Either way, Emily was crying in their bedroom, a few shallow cuts on her pudgy baby legs. Nico handed her to Will. "You're a pediatrician! Fix this child." When Will left to patch up Emily, Nico saw Ceil rummaging through his and Will's dresser. "What's this?" Ceil asked, smiling cheekily as he held up a blind fold. "Um.... a necktie." Ceil held up a pair of handcuffs. "Are you a police officer?" "Um... yes. That's why I have those." Nico picked up Ceil and dragged him to the kitchen, where the others were gorging on floor goo. Nico thought it was melted ice cream, but he wasn't sure. "What are you guys eating?" He asked. Elenor stuck her tongue out at him. Natural selection, he supposed. What do you think is gonna happen if you eat floor goo? Will entered the kitchen.
"Will, what is this?" Nico asked.
"Ice cream." Nico decided to not ask further questions. He didn't want to know the answer.
"Uncle Will! Uncle Will!" Ceil yelled.
"What? Did you kill something? What did you kill?" Will responded. To be fair, he had had a bad day. You can't blame him for being cynical.
"Did you know uncle Nico isn't really a book person? He's a police officer!" Ceil said to Will excitedly. "What? No, why do you think that?" "Because he has handcuffs! For bad people to go to jail! Duh! Did you not know your husband's job? My Daddy and Mommy trust each other."
Will looked to Nico and smirked. Nico blushed. "Yes. Handcuffs. For very bad people."
"Uncle Nico, why is your face pink?"
"Eat your floor goo, child!" Ceil went and ate his floor goo.

Everything was starting to wind down. Will had put a movie on their tv, and the kids loved it. Mostly, anyway.
"This is so lame." Ruth complained.
"This isn't historically accurate." Said Ada.
"Put on the bachelor!" Bella charmspoke.
"No. Keep this movie playing." Ceil also charmspoke. That's what happens when two grandchildren of Aphrodite are in the same place. Conflict. And an eventual fist fight that leads to calling Piper.

Nico: Your children are demon children. Please come take your monsters.
Piper: Excuse me?
Nico: Ceil just punched Bella
Nico: Bella bit him
Nico: Will and I are betting on who will win.
Nico: I'm betting Ceil, but Will says Bella has unlocked potential.
Piper: Can't you just break up the fight?
Nico: Actually, this is pretty cool. I think I'm going to spice it up a bit with chopsticks.
Piper: Fine. Don't give them chopsticks, we'll be there in 10.
Nico: Let's hope they survive that long.
Nico: Tell Percy to get his kids, too.
Piper: Percy says he's not here.
Nico: Tell him his kids are getting  forks
Piper: Percy's coming.

"Listen up you little monsters!" Will shouts from atop a counter. "Except for you, Emily. You're an angel and we're happy to have you here. Everyone else, your parents are coming and you're all going home!"

Percy arrived first. "Hey, Will. Hey, Nico. Sorry if they were, ya know, themselves." He left, but he was back a moment later.
"What's floor goo?" He asked obviously concerned that his children had eaten something dangerous.
"It's melted ice cream Ruth poured on the floor." Percy nodded and left for real.

Piper arrived next, along with Hazel and Frank. "Hazel, Frank. You guys didn't have to come. Emily's great." Frank smiled and picked up their child. Hazel kissed Nico's cheek and left.

"Hey Ceil! Hey Bella! Who won the fight?" Piper asked.
"No one." Bella said grumpily. "Uncle Will said if we kept fighting we would get eaten by the monster under our beds. So we stopped. Now I'm scared." As they left, Ceil rolled his eyes. "You're such a baby. I'll protect you. I'm going to be a police officer. Just like Uncle Nico." Piper looked back at Nico. "A police officer?" "Yeah. He kept it a secret, but I found his handcuffs."
"Let's go home."

"They found the handcuffs? And you said you were a policeman? What else?" Will asked as they cleaned up their apartment.
"He took out your blindfold. I said it was a necktie. Didn't I tell you to lock that drawer?"
"I locked the other drawer."
"The one that holds socks? Why would I need that to be locked?"
"It made sense at the time. Plus, you're one to talk, Mr. Police officer."
"I panicked, Will. What would you have said?"
"I would have explained sexuality and the joy of intimacy."
"Will. What the hell?"
"I'm a doctor, babe."
"Are you? I had no idea." Nico said sarcastically.
"Shut up." Complained Will.
"Make me."
"Oh, I will."
Thank the gods for 'neckties'

What even is this chapter?