Solangelo Oneshots

Fake Injuries

Will's POV
It's a slow day in the infirmary. I'm content, humming Hamilton songs and stocking nectar. But soon my peace is interrupted.

"Will!" Percy screamed as he runs through the infirmary door. "My skin! It's..." He pauses dramatically for effect. "Blue!" I sigh and turn around. Percy's skin is, in fact, blue.

"Why, Percy?" I ask. I figure he's messing with me, but since his skin's blue, I might as well make sure.

"I ate so much blue food, that—" I walk up to him with a wet wipe and press it against his face.

"Percy," I explain as if I'm speaking to a preschooler, "This is paint. What is wrong with you?" It's at this moment when Rachel bursts through the door. I like Rachel. She, Reyna, and Nico made a club called the, 'I had a crush on Percy but he's an idiot and somehow couldn't tell.' club. It's a mouthful. I just call it the IHACOPBHAIASCT. Again, a mouthful.

"Percy!" Rachel yells. "Did you take my blue paint again?" Percy glances from side to side, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere but here. He looks to me for support, and I give him a look like, 'You got yourself into this mess, buddy."

"No." He says this as more of a question, his voice going higher toward the end of the word. Rachel grabs his wrist and pulls a complaining Percy out of the infirmary. Thank the gods. Time to get some actual work done.

Turns out I'm not getting any work done. As soon as Percy left, Piper came in. "Doctor! Doctor!" She wails.

"Oh, gods!" I panic. She's so convincing. I guess that's what charmspeak does, but that doesn't mean I like it. "What's wrong?" I ask her, ushering her into a room.

"I grew a third nipple!" She sobs. I snap out of the charmspeak almost immediately.

"Can you show me your third nipple? I can remove it." I say, slipping into doctor mode.

"Yes," She says pulling up her pant leg. There's a chocolate chip taped on her shin.

"Piper," I ask, "Is this the nipple?" She sniffles and nods. "Piper, I don't know how to say this. But you're an idiot. This is a chocolate chip." I tear off the tape and put it, along with the chip, into the trash. "Have you ever seen a nipple?"

".....No?" She shrugs.

"Get out."

The rest of the day is somehow just as terrible. All I want to do is take inventory of bandages, but I haven't even been able to count one box. People keep running in pretending to be injured.

"Will!" Leo screams frantically. "My hand's on fire!"

"Leo, you're fireproof. Turn off your hand and get out of my infirmary." I say.

"Will. I'm hurt." Jason limps in. He looks so sincere.

"Oh no. What's wrong?"

"I kicked a stump." He groans, his face contoured in pain.

"A stump?" I ask. I figure I must've misheard him. By now I've figured out what's going on. The campers are bored and are having a contest to see who can bother me the most. But a stump? Jason's so boring when he's not being a perv.

"Yeah," Jason responds. "But you'd never guess what was in the stump. Wood."

"Wow. Wood. In a stump. Made of wood. Who would've guessed?" I say in a monotone voice as I touch Jason's foot. "Your foot isn't injured. Just take some ibuprofen." I hand him the pills and push him out of the infirmary.

I groan and plop my head onto the hard counter top. All day, people have been coming in here with their fake injuries. At least now I can sort the syringes. I smile and start sorting the needles by size (insulin needles are smaller than influenza shot needles. Mixing them up would be bad.) I'm glad that I can finally do something useful.

"Will." I hear someone say, their voice disguised with (most likely pretend) pain. I snap.

"What?! I am a doctor! I can't deal with you people and your fake injuries! Deal with your paper cuts on your own! Kicking stumps is nothing! I can't deal with you morons and your overreacting to every little thing! I don't have time for this! F off!" I say all this without turning around.

"Oh." They say. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm probably overreacting, I'll go." Wait. I recognize that voice. I turn around and see my boyfriend.

"Oh, Nico." I smile nervously. Well, this is embarrassing. "Sorry. I thought you were Conner coming to say his bones disappeared again. What's up?"

"No, you were right." He groans, clutching his side. "I'll just go to my cabin. Sorry for bothering you."

"Nico," I say. "I always have time for you. What do you need?"

"I'm fine." He insists, obviously not fine.

"Nico. What is wrong?" I ask, but it's more of a command. I care about my boyfriend.

"I'm fine." He says again. I squint at him with a death glare worse than his. "Fine." He says, using his free hand to point to his side. "I was stabbed." Oh dear gods! Stabbed? I rush him to a bed and clean the stab wound before stitching it back up.

"Nico, I'm so sorry I yelled at you." I say, hugging him but making sure to not touch his stabbed side.

"It's fine." Nico says, somehow not mad at me. "What I don't understand is what you were talking about. Were people faking being sick or something?"

I nod. "Yeah." I tell him about everything that happened today. About how I'm not going to tell Chiron because I don't want them to get in trouble, but I also kinda want to push them into a ditch.

"Any campers faking injuries will be forced to clean the Pegasus stables." Chiron announces during dinner the next day. Nico's sitting next to me, smirking. "Also," Chiron says, "Rachel Dare will be searching Percy's cabin for her paint. Enjoy your dinner."