Rebellion

Remember

"...Why?"

"Your fault."

"We have nothing to do with that child." 

"...for fights." 

"How about we teach you a lesson, kid? Disrespecting us is..." 

"We'll just..."

"Worthless..."

"Leave..."

"... Nobody..." 

Teruo closed his eyes tightly. He couldn't sleep at all. Why did he have to have such bad memories return in such bad times? 

He couldn't even remember most of it, day by day it seemed the memories of his life slipped away more and more. He couldn't even remember anything from his childhood. Where did it go? Did he even have it?

Somehow he knew it was a bad memory, even though he couldn't remember them clearly. He remembered crying over them when he was younger, but he had trouble recalling what exactly he even cried over. All that's left were pieces of a conversation between two unknown people. It should be painful, he feels the pain, but he could never decipher why. 

He lived alone. He never finished high school. Nobody even knew he existed. He forgot his real name, all he knew was that he was pronounced as dead in the demon attack. 

Why?

He never knew. 

He wasn't taken where the other children were taken, not as far as he was informed. He was taken away by two people, to the door of a very big house. He remembered being cold and he remembered pain in the head. He couldn't remember anything before the pain. Everything behind that moment was deleted. Like it never even existed.

He never understood why he lived exactly. He never went outside, he never met new people outside old people from the gang. He disliked them, but they did give him food and training. They were good for something. 

And as much as they told him he was much better than the average sixteen year old child, he just couldn't help but feel like there was something missing. Like he was much less than an average sixteen year old child. Like he was missing out on something essential. 

Teruo often did have sleepless nights. He would often wonder who he was five years ago. 

Did he have a happy family? Was he rich? Was he a good student? Did he have friends? 

He couldn't remember no matter how much he tried.

They told him not to look into it, he listened. He didn't see much point. 

"You had problems sleeping again, huh?" Naoki asked him.

Now they were driving towards his boring job. He never did get much excitement from his gang life, but this was killing him. It was a special kind of boring. Digging was something above for him. 

"Not really..." Teruo mumbled, looking outside the closed window.

"You should forget about that. It really won't help you." Naoki stated, just like every time.

Teruo rolled his eyes. He never did give any useful information, he just gave out orders. He was taught to be the leader after all. Teruo remained quiet, knowing that talking to him wasn't worth it much.

But something surprised him. 

"I know you're hurt. And I know how it's like to just want a normal childhood..." Naoki told him seriously, looking at the road. 

Teruo didn't feel like the older man understood. He respected his leader much more than he would ever respect Hiroji. Heck, Hiroji didn't even have his respect. But there was something that he didn't believe. For some reason, Teruo felt like someone so great like Naoki would understand.

"You're strong and you have a following. You have too much of a bright future to think about the past." Teruo answered him, not believing his leader could ever express that type of sadness.

He believed Naoki was fearless and that he didn't get bothered by such problems. Like he was out of this world.

"Everyone gets in thought about the past... I'd rather not remember mine." Naoki answered, Teruo being surprised by the harshness of his voice.

"You're saying I'm lucky?" Teruo asked his leader.

"Too lucky. You're saving yourself from pain you're not ready for yet." Naoki answered as he pulled over the car.

"I'm not a kid! I can handle it!" Teruo would always explode on that subject.

He didn't want to remember the past. His mind just went to it. He couldn't help it. He didn't even want to have a childhood. He was never a child. He didn't want to be considered one.

"You're sixteen. Like it or not, you're still a kid." Naoki answered, looking around the parking lot he just parked in.

"Do you know any sixteen year old's that are in the high ranks of a feared gang?! Do you know any sixteen year old that's been taught several martial arts in just a few years!? Do you know a sixteen year old that lives by himself and does everything by himself?!" Teruo exploded, feeling tears welling up his eyes.

He felt so enraged. He knew what would come next.

"You can't be an adult if you didn't pass childhood. You just named the qualities of a kid who is trying too hard to skip the childhood part." Naoki answered, being fully honest.

He didn't want the boy to get hurt. He shouldn't find out just yet.

"I don't remember my childhood! I passed it already! It's like it didn't even exist!" Teruo continued, tears coming out.

Naoki sighed to himself. He was just a kid in puberty. Even the most mature ones of them all had their hormones raging. Even the kid prodigy. He was just sad the kid wouldn't accept it.

"Teruo, you should just calm down." Naoki tried to reason with him.

"I will not be calm about something that can never be fixed!" He yelled at him, slamming the car door shut as he went away. 

He ignored childhood so much that everything is coming out. Puberty is hitting him much harder than it should. Teruo couldn't believe what was going on. He felt shame and embarrassment.

Crying in front of his leader... How could he ever show his face to Naoki again? He didn't even want to go back to that gang. He wanted to run away, change his name and turn himself into a high school. Actually go to school instead of having old tutors. Have some friends. Go outside. Anything. Anything a normal child would do.

"Are you alright?" 

And his heart stopped again. This was even more embarrassing. 

Why did Ayase have to be here in the worst possible moment?