Rebellion

Wishes

Life wasn't so easy for the two pair of lovers. Satoko and Shiro, no matter how much they tried, knew this wasn't going to last, for one reason or another. His outbursts were starting to get more and more violent, getting harder and harder to bare. She was getting impatient, but she loved him too much to leave. They had a child, she loved him and she knew for a fact that soon enough he might leave. Not exactly tomorrow, but half a year or so would be what she predicted. She didn't want it, but as more time passed, she noticed he wasn't going to get any cure for his demonic side. And the fact that there wasn't a cure broke her more than anything. It was nice while it lasted. 

All of this raced through her head as she laid in bed next to him, wrapped in his arms, safe. It was safe now, but who knows what he'll do tomorrow? If he'll beat her? The worst he got so far was slapping her, to which she cried for days. How could she not? It was more like a smack to her heart than anything physical. She forgave him every time though. He wasn't doing it on purpose.

All of the bad things were made up for moments like these. When he would hug her while sleeping, after she woke up, when she was feeling sad or just randomly. His affection was pure. His meals made up for the slaps, his comforts made up for the yelling, his hugs made up the harsh words and his love made up for all of his flaws. 

"I don't know how much longer I'll be here, Satoko..." She could hear him whisper in her ear.

"I don't even want to think about it..." She mumbled, burying herself deeper in their tired hug.

"I know you don't. Neither do I. But it just keeps filling my mind." Shiro choked out, his voice shaking.

"Don't blame yourself. You can't control it." Satoko told him, looking at him with innocent eyes.

"How can I not blame myself when I do this to you?" His eyes were teary. 

How could anyone be angry at him? He apologized constantly, no matter how long he would be aggressive or verbal, he'd always apologize. He'd never do something and not apologize. She knew it was eating him. The guilt of always hurting her was obvious whenever he woke up from his demonic trance. She was happy and unhappy for his guilt at the same time. While she was sure he was guilty and cared by it, but on the other hand she could see it breaking his head. Him crying at the middle of the night, crying and apologizing. 

"I love you. It's okay, I'll always forgive you." She told him, hugging him tighter, not wanting him to say what she thought he'd say.

"You shouldn't. I don't deserve it." He whispered out.

"I'd be angry if you were doing it on purpose. You stayed with me for so long, I can't just leave you for something you can't control." She explained, but it looked like he didn't listen to her. 

He looked like he was losing his hope as days went on. Like he was scared of himself. Like he was trying to distance himself from her somehow. 

"Thank you, Satoko. You made a lot of what I wanted happen before I go away." He said, loving her for making everything happen.

He didn't know how to call it though. He wasn't going to day, but he wasn't going to move away either. But it was just like death, he won't be able to think like himself ever again soon. It terrified him. He liked thinking, being independent. How will it be to have no consciousness? He didn't want to die, he wanted to continue his life with Satoko and raise their children like they deserve, not leave her like everyone else. He'll just hurt her.

"It wasn't a problem." She told him.

"It was. Bearing me at this state must be hell." He looked like he was going to give a short speech, which she kinda found cute about him. 

"Akiyama Satoko. I never thought I'd do this. Somehow it feels teenage even though I've passed it hundreds of years ago. I thought I was past that type of happiness or love. Somehow you made it happen. You made my dreams come true." The short speech was so heart felt that she couldn't help but cry. 

She knew where this was going. She felt like this was their last night, like he was saying this as a goodbye speech. It made her scared senseless. She hugged him tighter, as if it was going to make him stay. 

"Don't leave..." Satoko whimpered out.

"I don't want to continue hurting you any longer." His red eyes looked deeply into hers.

"It would hurt me ten times more if you left sooner!" She raised her voice.

"Satoko, I-" He tried, but he cut him off.

"At least till Saito is born. At least till then, please. I want him to meet his dad, at least for that." She begged while crying, feeling desperate.

She had only him. Shiro was the only person she felt love towards, the only one who didn't stab her in the back. She couldn't live without him. He was her only happiness and joy. Her children were something she loved too, but she just felt like it would be empty without him. She wanted to have him around her as long as possible.

"... Alright." Was the only thing he said, obviously dissatisfied by the decision. 

He didn't want her to cry. He always stopped trying to leave when he saw her crying. Her crying face made him feel guilty, he'd always just let her have her way. He did feel better when she hugged him even tighter. Like it was going to be better, like he just needed to give himself time. 

He hated how much he lied to himself.