Rebellion

Meaningless

Why did he do this to her?

Satoko stared at the pregnancy test, not believing her eyes. Her period wasn't coming  for two weeks, it was suspicious. No matter how much she knew the hard truth, she still hoped it was just late. But now, she couldn't hope anymore. She could only stare with her watery brown eyes into the positive pregnancy test. Everything will be so hard now. 

"Oh, god... Oh, god, why?" Satoko said, her voice cracking. 

"It'll be okay, I'm sure..." Shiro tried comforting her, but she wouldn't have it currently.

"It won't! What if the child will be a demon?!" She yelled, all of the worst but most logical outcomes came to her mind.

"It could be, but it doesn't have to be." Shiro remained calm. 

She couldn't get how he was acting so calm. She was panicking, thinking of what the authorities could do to them. It was punishable to have relations with demons, let alone having children with them. Both Shiro and the kid will be killed if it gets noticed, how will they even cover up the child being a demon? Shiro was at his last set of pills, that's barely enough for him, let alone them both. 

"I really doubt it'll be a human, Shiro! Don't be stupid!" She yelled out, getting annoyed. 

"Look, I'm sure we'll find a way to hide the kid if something happens." He assured her, but Satoko just wouldn't listen. 

"I'll just get an abortion." She concluded.

"No. You can't." Shiro argued.

Satoko looked at him with surprise. She got annoyed. 

"You can't tell me what to do with my body!" She faght back.

"I'm not telling you what to do with your body, Satoko!" He yelled back at her, making her flinch. 

He got annoyed at himself again. He just kept losing his temper over and over again. He was trying to drink his pills less frequently, to make the effects last longer but not nearly as strong. He was more nervous, agitated and easily annoyed. He tried so hard to control himself, yet he continued having angry and violent outbursts. He didn't wanna hurt her, but it just continued happening. 

"... I don't want you losing hope. It's a kid, give this a chance." Shiro spoke up, his voice much more soft and gentle.

She looked down, feeling less panicked and angry. But this wasn't about hope, this was about realism. 

"This will end up badly if we don't fix the issue." She continued, not wanting to get even more disappointed and hurt. 

Satoko was scared of the day of him not having any pills anymore. How he'll act, how he'll explode. What will tick him off to the point of no return? Will he hurt her? It scared her and made her sad. What will she do without her only friend, boyfriend and family?

"Come on, we can do it if we try." He reassured her.

"Stop being so hopeful! We can't fix your temper tantrums and we can't take care of a child!" She couldn't control herself anymore, she couldn't handle his idealism.

But he didn't give up. His idealism and hope was too strong. If there was one thing he would fight for, it was the only person he currently had. He couldn't let her lose hope.

"Satoko, a lot of things can happen in a year and a half. Maybe they'll invent some pills to provide demons to calm down." He told her in a hopeful voice. 

"The laboratories are working on destroying demons, not help them!" Satoko yelled out, not understanding how he can be so clueless. 

"Believe me, a lot of things could happen. Try believing in-" And she interrupted him.

"None of this makes sense! I'm wasting my time with you! It'll all be ruined anyway!" She couldn't believe what she just told him. 

"Don't say stuff like that..." He said quietly, yet softly.

"How could I not?! It's the truth, and you know it!" Satoko was trying to be realistic, yet everything she was saying sounded so wrong, like she didn't even mean them. 

Shiro kept quiet, looking at her with a hurt face. She looked down, guilty about what she said. She knew what she was saying was the truth, but was it true for her? Did she really find this meaningless, or was it meaningless in the long run? 

"Then break up with me." Shiro spoke up, making Satoko freeze in the spot.

"W-What do you mean?" She stumbled on her own words.

"Break up with me if none of this makes sense." He repeated, his red eyes not showing any clear emotion, like he was observing what she'll say to this.

"I... I can't do that..." She sighed, giving up. 

She loved him, she knew that. Everything she was saying was nonsense. She knew this was meaningful. He was helping her grow, teaching her, giving her hope. She felt loved. It meant something to her, even if it won't last. But staying with him will make everything harder in the long run, but she really didn't want to leave him. She just wanted to enjoy his presence while she could. His unique, special and wise presence she loved. 

"I love you too much to leave, Whitey." She hugged him tightly. 

He kissed her head as he caressed her hair. He knew exactly how she felt. But he just wanted this to last forever, even though it couldn't. Enjoying the present was difficult for him, the future scared him. He was scared of what he could do and what he could become. If he'll ever wake up from his demon consciousness and return to his normal self. He hoped that would happen and he'd return to Satoko, noticing how she still loved him over the past years, having two of their kids getting big. Ah, such nice day dreams. 

"I love you too, Satoko." Was the only thing he could muster out, noticing how much thoughts were racing through his head.

"I actually can't wait to have a family with you, even if it'll be short lived." Satoko mumbled a barely heard sentence.

Even though it was quiet and barely heard, it still made his heart skip a beat. Really, after being a year with this girl, there's nobody else he'd experience this with. If he goes away into his demon self, he at least wants to experience most of life. Having a family and a girlfriend as perfect as Satoko was something he always dreamed of. Even if they were too young for this, he still wanted to do it. He just wanted to live through his possible last year while still being somewhat himself.