everlong

can't remember to forget you

June 2nd, 1993
"I really like this place." Courtney said to me as she set one of my boxes down beside the door. I smiled, relieved to finally have an apartment for myself. Kurt and Courtney finally let their guard down on me. They helped me find the right place.

The apartment is located right in the core of the city. I like the fast pace of la, it keeps me on my toes. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and a small patio where I can write. There's also plently of windows, that let the natural California sun inside my house, casting a glow on the place.

I worked my ass off to afford it. Just a simple apartment costs a fortune here. My furniture's already inside. So far, there's a white bookshelf, a coffee table, a small tv stand, a table with 2 chairs, and a bed.

"You guys know you can go now, right? Ill be ok. I can unpack alone." I laughed, pulling them in for a hug. Kurt sighed. "I don't know, you've been living with us for awhile, and I've just gotten accustomed to it. Its hard to see you go." He said, frowning.

"Aw, Kurt." I cooed, planting a kiss on his cheek. "You're like a second daughter, ya know?" Courtney added. I giggled and nodded. "But we'll go. I love you, Julia." He said, giving me a tight, final hug. "I love you too."

"Love you, court." I whispered, moving on to hug her. She hugged me tightly back. "I love you more." I then pulled away. "Bye!" They called,their voices echoing as they left. The door then clicked shut.

I sighed happily and opened the box that was labeled "kitchen " in black sharpie. I took out cutlery first, putting it in specific sections in drawers. I then put the limited number of plates and cups I had into the white cabinets above the shiny countertops.

I then organized my books and vinyls on the shelf. I sorted everything alphabetically, so it would be easier for me to locate what I need. I then opened another unlabeled cardboard box.

I barely looked at the picture as I pulled it out, the silver frame heavy. I blew the dust off and put it in the light.

Me and Dave. I look so different. My face is practically glowing with joy. I look so tan and pretty. My hair isn't long and moderately wavy, it dangles a tiny bit past my shoulders and is parted stylishly.

I'm on his back, leaning over to kiss him. We both look so carefree, so in love with one another. I felt tears in my eyes. I didn't feel angry, surprisingly. I felt sad. I longed for the times where I was genuinely happy, and the days where I had a sweet boy with me in the California sun.

But it's not him I need. He fucked me over. Bad.

The tears fell quickly as I gently set the picture back into the box, instead pulling out a group one. It was me, dave, Kurt, and krist together. It didn't bring me as much sorrow and self pity. I smiled faintly and put it up on the top of the bookshelf.

I pulled myself together again and continued unpacking, but I kept coming across the memories of Dave. Pictures, gifts, everything. I felt so miserable all the sudden.

I ran my hands through my hair, needing a break. I stepped out onto the patio. The city below was swarming. I sighed and looked down. My tears fell to the buzzing sidewalks.

I wasn't expecting this part of the move to be so hard.