everlong

bum

September 20th, 1993
Sweat dripped down my face as I typed on my computer. I sighed and fanned my face. I was wearing on a sports bra and some boxers, the heat too intense for clothes.

The A.C in my apartment is broken, and the repair man isn't coming until Tuesday. Its sweltering here. I'm soaking in my own sweat. I was about to type more, but I heard the loud ring of the telephone.

I stood up and slowly walked towards it. "Hello?" "Hey, its court." "Oh, hi." I said, trying to put some pep into my voice for her. "Do you wanna come to the release party for In Utero tonight?" She asked me.

I bit my lip. I don't ever really feel like going out anymore. I haven't been very social. I try, but I don't have any motivation now. "Jules? Are you still there?" She asked, snapping me out of my trance. "Oh, yeah, sure!" I said.

"Awesome! Kurt and I can pick you up around 7." She said. "Alright, talk to you soon. Bye." I then hung up, running my hands through my hair, which was greasy.

I crinkled up my nose. How long has it even been since i bathed last? I slowly slid my grey sports bra off. The red boxers with tiny men surfing on them dropped down my legs, making a whoosh sound.

I headed into the bathroom, the tiled floor nice and cool against the soles of my feet. I turned on the shower. The warm water tumbled down my back and splashed onto the shower floor. I got my tangled hair wet, then squirted some lavender shampoo into my palm. My fingernails gently scratched my skull. I shut my eyes, enjoying the sensation.

Once my hair was completely lathered in shampoo, I got back under the shower head. I then washed my body, soap suds running down my stomach and legs. I shock myself with how skinny I look.

I don't even really eat anymore.

I don't do anything.

I sighed and washed the soap away. I then leaned over and turned the shower off. I wrapped a yellow, fluffy towel around myself, and wrapped my dripping hair with another one.

I climbed out of the tub, heading into my room. I dropped the towel and went to my closet. I searched through all of my clothing, trying to settle on the right outfit for this party.

I eventually found a red dress with pleated sleeves and a slightly poofy skirt. It looked perfect. I dropped my towel and slipped on some panties. I then put on my bra. The cool, red fabric tickled my skin slightly as I pulled the dress up my legs.

I slid my arms into the short sleeves and zipped it up. The dress fit me well. It used to be a bit tight, but since I've lost all this weight, it fits less tightly.

That's not a good thing.

I blow dried my hair, and left it alone. I dug around in my makeup bag, retrieving some concealer, a soft, pink lipstick, a neutral eyeshadow tone, and a tube of thick, black mascara.

Once I had done my minimal amount of makeup, I slipped on some nude heels. I checked myself out in the mirror.

Even through my concealer, you could still see the dark circles under my eyes. The circles told stories of my sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion. I still looked rather...sad.

I barely recognize myself now. Its kind of scary.

I sighed, picking up my purse, and leaving my hot, sticky apartment, and going out into a place that rang as the firey pits of hell in my mind.

To a party.