everlong

rancid

December 31st, 1993
Oakland, California
"We should throw a tiny party, you know, for new years tonight." Courtney suggested, touching up on her red lipstick. I shifted Frances around in my arms. She babbled something unintelligible.

I frowned. A party wasn't very appealing to me, but I think the band and road crew would enjoy it. "Yeah, good idea." I said bleakly. "Are you sure?" I nodded.

"Kurt!" She yelled to catch his attention, even though he was on the bed right beside the bathroom. "I'm right here, ya know." He mumbled calmly, exhaling some smoke from his cigarette. "We should throw a party tonight for new years, after the show."

"Is Julia down?" He asked, eyeing me. "She's completely on board. Right?" I nodded. "Ok, cool. I'll tell the guys." He said with a sigh, standing up from the bed. He then left.

Courtney was unusually quiet as we sat alone in the hotel room together. "Are you alright? You're awfully quiet." I asked, frowning. She let out a deep breathy sigh.

"I'm just worried." She muttered. "Why?" I asked, moving some hair out of her face. "Kurt saying all this stuff about Frances not being alright after the divorce, its starting to get to me." I frowned. "You too? This is ridiculous."

"I know, I just can't help it.." She said, sighing. "Court, everything will be fine, ok?" I was growing tired of this same fight with Kurt, and now Courtney.

Before she could say anything else, the door swung open, and Kurt stepped back inside. He raised an eyebrow, realizing that something was off.

"Is everything ok?" He asked, looking me in the eye. "Yeah, everything's good." I lied, smiling slightly.

"We really need to get going. For the show." I announced. "Yeah.." Courtney agreed in her raspy voice.

With that, we were on our way to the other band members hotel room to pick them up. I stepped in front of Kurt and Courtney, and planted a firm knock on the door.

I heard some chatter and footsteps before i was met by Krist, who towered over me. "Hey, we've gotta get going now." Kurt said with a flat voice from behind me.

"O-ok." Krist slurred. He was drunk. I frowned. The stench of alcohol radiating off of him made me cringe. "Guys, lets go!" He called to Dave, Rosie, and shelli. We waited outside for a couple moments before everyone emerged from the hotel room.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I made eye contact with Dave. I offered him a polite smile, then diverted my eyes away from his.

Our shoes tapped against the velvet, carpeted hallway floor as we approached the elevator in our little pack. I was sandwiched in between Kurt and Courtney. I felt like somewhat of a mediator.

We all piled into one elevator, no room left for another being. I quickly glanced behind me, my eyes landing on Dave and Rosie. They were huddled together close, holding hands lovingly. I felt physically ill by looking at the pair. I've been noticing how perfect Rosie is.

Her strawberry blonde hair is luscious, healthy,and flawless. It's a veil around her pretty face. She has full lips that are always coated in red paint. Her eyes are blue like mine, but much bolder. They have a natural wing shape to them. Her skin looks soft and is pale as porcelain.

I've realized why Dave left. She seems alot less stubborn than me. She'll actually go on tour with Dave, while I would sacrifice him for my journalism career.

I suddenly felt mortified at my own thoughts. No body read them, but shame made itself a home within me. I was envying the woman who stole my whole life away without me even noticing. She's nothing but self entitled trash, and I'm making a list about how perfect she is?