everlong

these are the days of our lives

The bright yellow sun that dominated the sky was a stark contrast from Julia's mood as she slid her feet into a short black pair of stilettos. There was a cavity in her chest, leaving darkness and insecurity as she stood up from her bed, and walked over to the mirror, smoothing the black crepe dress down her legs.

Her hair was tucked back by two brass bobby-pins, a minimal amount of makeup applied to her face. "Julia? Are you ready?" Krist asked softly from outside the hotel door, his knuckles brushing against the wood.

"Yes." She answered dryly.

Krist heard the doorknob twist creakily, then saw Julia, smiling weakly.

"Alright, Shellis in the car. So we're all set." He explained, his voice quiet. She nodded, grabbing her purse off the bed. The two then left the hotel room. Everyone had flown out to Aberdeen, the town where Kurt grew up. That's where his ashes were to be sprinkled.

The duo reached the elevators. Julia extended her hand out, pressing her finger to the down button. She stepped back, beside krist. The two stood beside one another in a sorrow quietude, neither able to form a syllable, not in such dreadful times. With a sharp ding, the silver doors of the elevator slid open. They quickly stepped inside. Krist pressed the button that would lead them down to the lobby.

The machine surged down to there destination. The doors slid open, and they stepped out.

They swiftly strode through the lobby, quietly greeting the attendant behind the front desk, before pushing open the heavy doors of the hotel. A cool breeze embraced the pair, the weather unusually nice for such a gloomy town. Julia's hand fished around in her purse for her black sunglasses, her fingers wrapping around them, and pulling them out. She slid the shades up the bridge of her nose, and over her irises, making the parking before her have a much darker tint. She followed Krist out to the rental car, which had already been started by Shelli.

Krist rode shotgun, Julia planting herself in the backseat of the car.

"Hey, are we ready?" Shelli asked, her voice much softer than usual. Her eyes glanced up in the mirror, at Julia. She gave a short "yes," while Krist nodded his head. With that, she carefully pulled out of the parking space, and began out of the lot.

Their hotel wasn't a far distance from the Wiskah river, where his ashes would be distributed. The simple thought of witnessing frances sprinkle his ashes about with her tiny hands choked Julia up. The thought of her growing up without her father made Julia's heart shrivel up, and break into pieces.

She didn't have nearly as much remorse for herself as she did for Courtney and Frances, Dave and Krist too. They had lost the father of their child, their father, their friend, and bandmate. Kurt's role in each individuals life varied, but all harbored the same importance.

And Julia, she had lost her partner. She didn't lie to herself. She didn't feel her was her soulmate, or even her lifetime lover, but a man she had fallen for, and lost shortly after. Over the last few weeks, she had replayed the last interaction with Kurt over and over again in her head, dropping him off at Exodus, completely oblivious to the fact that this was the last time she'd ever catch a glimpse of him.

The rational part of her brain was trying to reassure her that what happened wasn't her fault, and that she couldn't have stopped it from happening, but the emotional side harshly reminded her that it was her fault, that she should've picked up on his intentions, and driven him away from the rehab center.

It was too late. Those days were all gone.

Tears threatened to fall down her sunken cheeks, but she briskly wiped them with her finger tips. Shelli parked the car, snapping Julia out of her trance. "Alright, this is it," she breathed, pointing towards a bridge not distant from where they had parked.