everlong

it hurts to love you

November 3rd, 1993
"C'mon, Jules. Please come on tour." Kurt begged, pulling at a strand of my hair. "Ouch!" I squealed, kicking him softly. He chuckled and took a drag of his cigarette. "Seriously, it would be really nice to have you there. And Courtney and I could seriously use some help with Frances."

I sighed. The Frances part swayed me in their favor. I dont wanna burden them by not taking care of their daughter. "I guess so." I muttered, scratching the back of my neck.

"Thank you." He said quietly, extending his frail legs out onto my coffee table. "No problem." He sighed stood up, stretching. "I better get to band practice." He said rather unhappily. I frowned.

"Alright then. I'll see you soon, Kurt." I said. He smiled softly and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. He then left. I ran a hand through my unkempt hair.

I guess I'm really doing this.

November 7th, 1993
Dave's P.O.V
I took Rosies hand once we had been checked at the metal detectors. We walked at a fast pace. I eventually noticed Kurt, krist, Courtney, shelli, and Julia.

She was face deep in a book. A long looking one. She was wearing a black tank top and some jean shorts. Rosie pulled me away from her, and to a seat beside Krist. I frowned.

Rosie read while I sat in silence. She stroked my knuckles, kissing my hand every once in awhile. I smiled and kissed her on the mouth.

Our flight was then called.

We all gathered our stuff, then headed into the terminal. Julia and Kurt were trailing ahead, talking quietly and laughing. A bud of jealously sparked within me. Im not sure why.

I plopped down in a seat next to Rosie. We put our baggage in the overhead compartments. Once we settled in, she laid her head on my shoulder. I blushed and kissed the top of her head. "I love you." I whispered to her, stroking her soft hair.

"Love you more."

She was falling asleep before we had taken off. She was exhausted, a result of us waking up at 4:30 A.M. I chuckled, and turned my head.

Krist, shelli, and the newest addition to the band, pat, were sitting together, watching something on the tv. Behind them, Kurt, Courtney, and Julia were together, Frances in Kurts lap. He was tickling her tummy, making her laugh loudly. Courtney and Julia were giggling at the happy sight. Jules pulled out the camera I had gotten her for the final Christmas we spent with each other, and snapped a picture.

Before I could tear my eyes away, Julia caught me staring. She hesitantly waved, smiling faintly. I gleefully smiled back. She then looked down, tucking some hair behind her left ear.

I finally forced myself to look away from them, and back to my feet.

Julia's P.O.V
Florida feels very similar to L.A. Its humid and sunny, but the people aren't the same.  There's lots of old folk here. They're more polite then the people I witness in downtown L.A, but these people aren't nearly as intriguing as the wacky ones I've met.

I was painting my toenails a bright pink color, my feet propped up on the desk in the hotel room I was sharing with Courtney and Kurt.

They were on the balcony, talking about god knows what. We all had to get going to their show tonight pretty soon. Courtney stayed on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, while Kurt came back inside, Frances with him.

He gently set her down on the bed, then plopped down in a rolly chair beside mine. My toenails were now in the process of drying. "Hey, Jules." He said softly, as if we hadn't seen one another in awhile. I chuckled. "Hello."

He looked at me intensely. I felt nervous under his stare. Finally, he spoke. "How have you been?" Those words felt like a weight taken off my shoulders. No one had asked me that in a long time. Nobody knew how I felt. Tears rushed into my eyes.

"I ha-haven't felt good, in really long." I stuttered, clamping a hand over my mouth. A sob broke past my lips. I tried to hide my face, embarrassed. "Shit, Julia." Kurt said frantically. I sobbed even harder, falling from my chair. "Courtney, get someone!" Kurt yelled. She quickly rushed back inside, kneeling down in front of me.

"Jules!" She gasped, moving some hair out of my face. She then scurried off. My vision was blurred and breathing felt like an impossible task. "Deep breaths." Kurt assured me, stroking my face. I was really trying to stop, but I couldn't.

All the sudden, people were rushing inside. What looked to be a doctor came in too. Krist crouched down in front of me. "Jules.." He said calmly, taking my face in his large hands. I tried to calm myself down, staring into his big brown eyes.

"You're ok. I'm here, man." He consoled, stroking my tear stained cheeks. I was still gasping for air. I felt like throwing up. He slowly moved away, the doctor person now in my view. He simply sat in front of me, until I calmed down enough to speak.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Rosenhour. What's your name?" He asked me, shaking my hand. "J-Julia." I stuttered, still shaky. Once I had finally completely calmed down, he asked me to explain what I've been up to this past one or two years. I laid it all out.

I felt embarrassed, my friends staring at me like a helpless child drowning in depression. I basically am, but I don't want pity. I just want to heal.

"Sounds like you've had a rough year." He frowned. I nodded sheepishly. He scribbled on his clipboard, handing me a prescription. "I believe that you have depression, Julia. I'd like to prescribe you some pills to help manage it." He said.

The words rang in my ears.

"Do you know anyone struggling with depression?" He asked me. I sadly looked to Kurt. "I'm afraid so.." I mumbled. He frowned, then explained some techniques and tips to help manage my depression.

He then left briskly.

The whole room was dead silent. You could've heard a pin fall. They all looked at me with sad eyes. No one knew what to say, not even krist, the tension breaker, the goofball that usually had a joke up his sleeve.

He didn't even have a trick.

I looked down at my painted toes. "I think she needs space." Kurt spoke, as if I wasn't there. I crossed my arms over my chest. He looked to me sympathetically. Everyone then left the room, except for Kurt.

He sat down in front of me, taking my hand.

"It feels good to have someone that feels like me."