everlong

tension and relief

As the 5 gifted musicians played away on their instruments, the atmosphere was dead silent. The only noise you could hear was my camera. I was the top of a balcony overlooking the crowd and band. A picture from here would make for a fantastic album cover. Once I felt I had gotten enough from the balcony, I slowly descended down the steps, and made my way silently back to my seat in the front.

I could hear Kurts beautiful, yet pained voice belting out the lyrics to Pennyroyal Tea, off of In Utero. There were no other instruments involved, just a man with a prickly, witty soul, and his guitar. The air felt tense, but had a few sprinkles of comedic relief here and there. Kurt had been making backhanded comments at the band for a large majority of the show. It felt like it wasn't something you were meant to see, too intimate.

But laughter would fill the room when one of the band members made a funny joke or told a story. This happened when Kurt was telling the audience one. "That's really good!" Dave yelled rather sarcastically.

Kurt slightly turned his head, his body still hunched over his guitar. "Shut up." The crowd laughed. They didn't know how serious tensions were between the band. After the audiences laughter died down, they started to play dumb.

As they all played, I felt myself holding tears back. The song deeply pained me. In my eyes, it's a song about how Kurt saw himself. He feels insuperior to anyone and everyone, but he's so much better than a lot of other people I've met in my lifetime.

He has the most passionate burning hate for himself. He doesn't even hate anyone that badly. I quickly wiped my tears that I felt rolling off my flustered cheeks.

I was able to fight back tears through the next couple of songs, but once the final song arrived, I broke.

They were performing a rendition of Where Did You Sleep Last Night. His voice caused goosebumps to erupt across my bare arms. His rough voice was filled with so much passion. The delicate sound of the cello was heavenly. It was perfect.

Right before he sang, "through", he looked up for the first time in the whole show, his blue eyes burning, and exhaled. I closed my eyes as more tears gushed down my face.

When they finished, the audience erupted in satisfying cheers and clapping. People stood up to salute the band, including me.

Kurt looked into my eyes as I stood in the crowd below him. His eyes weren't crazy with fear now, but they were shining with what I saw as glory.

He didn't fail, he flew.

After the crowds cheering faded away, the band trailed off to the audience, signing whatever concert goers had.
When Kurt got over to where I was, I dragged him by his hand to me.

"See! They loved you! Im always right." I smiled, holding his hand. He smirked softly.

"I guess you are."