Freefall (Kakashi HatakeXOC Part1)

Nightmares

Kakashi and I have been together, I guess you could say, for about eight months. We've gotten closer, if it was even possible. I've gotten to see him without his mask, and let me tell you, I get left breathless every time.

I've also come to like the idea of having him by my side when sleeping, it's really comforting. But, I haven't been able to sleep well lately. When I was much younger, mainly when I lived by myself, I used to have terrible nightmares. I haven't had them in awhile, but they were starting to come back.

I just lay awake at night, restless and unable to sleep. Usually it's the same dream. Okuri had taken over and my body had changed to resemble him. My fangs and claws grew out, my eyes changed to a piercing gold colour, my tail came back, and my body physically and painfully changed to resemble a wolf's form. I suppose you could say it's similar to Naruto's Ninetail's transformation, but instead of an orange chakra, it was a deep black.

My dream then consisted of me not being able to control my movements, blood covering my monstrous hands, and then her.

My mother.

My freakish claws through her stomach.

But...

She was always still smiling.

It was then I woke up, covered in sweat and breathless. I usually ended up waking Kakashi as well, I don't mean to. He shouldn't have to suffer just because I can't control my stupid brain.

Gah, I wanted it to stop. I hate having to relive that memory over and over again. So, I've come to terms with the fact that I'd rather be restless and not sleep, then have to see myself kill my mother again.

It was just too painful.

~

I curl up some as the bed dips to my right, indicating Kakashi had climbed in next to me. He pulls the blanket up over me and pats my shoulder while saying,

"Just try and sleep, you need to. You haven't had a good rest in days."

I wish I could just bury myself into our blankets and pillows. That way I wouldn't have to see Kakashi get worried over me.

"I'm fine, I'm not all that tired,"

I mutter as I pull the blanket over my head.

"Come on, I know that's not true."

I sighed and let my tired eyes slide closed,

"Fine, but don't you dare wake up. If you do, so help me I will wipe my sweat all over you."

~

It was happening again.

Looking down, I saw my hand shoved through someone's stomach, that someone being my mother. I looked up at her tear stained face, she was still smiling.

"I...love you,"

She says with the little strength she has left,

"A-always."

~

I shot upright in bed, I could feel my heart beating against my ribcage at an abnormal pace. My hair was sticking to my face from sweat, and my throat felt dry and scratchy. I brought my hands up to cover my face, Kakashi stirs next to me, but doesn't wake up. Which I was glad for, I didn't want him to see me this way. As quietly as I could, I got up and made my way to the bathroom. It felt hot and stuffy in here, but I don't care.

I leaned against the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked absolutely pathetic. My hair was matted and sticking out in places, my cheeks were flushed a light pink, and my skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

With a shaky hand, I turned the cold water on. I took some in my hands and splashed it on my face. I need to move on, to get over what I've done. There's nothing I can do to change it. But, why do I still feel so, so much remorse and regret?

I...I want her back, she doesn't deserve to be dead. None of it was her fault.

My eyes started watering, and my knees buckled underneath myself. I fell to the tile floor, and I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes.

I really hate myself sometimes.

~

"You're not going to see the Genin until you get some sleep,"

Kakashi says with a stern tone to his voice,

"No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Now go to bed."

He ushers me away from the front door and towards the back hall. I pout at him and plead,

"But Kakashi, I haven't seen them in such a long time. Won't you let me come with you this time? Please?"

He shakes his head,

"No, you're staying here. If you haven't noticed yet, you've got dark rings forming under your eyes."

He was right, I haven't slept more than about twelve hours or so over the past six days. I really want to sleep, but my dumb brain isn't letting me.

Maybe I have to come to peace with what I've done, and all the lives I've ended. But, that's easier said than done. I can't just go on with no regret or guilty feelings about it like some people can. Especially not when it came to her. I let out a sigh in defeat, at least when I wake up he won't be here to see how pathetic I am.

"Alright, alright. I'll go try to sleep again. But only because I want to, not because you're telling me to."

~

I sit upright in bed again, this time wasn't as bad as the rest. Weird. I wipe the sweat from my face and sigh. Man, trying to sleep was more tiring than not trying to. As odd as that sounds, it was true. It was then I noticed something was different, but I couldn't tell what yet. I flung the blanket from my lap, and to the side. Standing up, a wave of dizziness washed over me.

I sat back down on the edge of the bed, and that was when I noticed it. There was something rubbing against my leg, something...fuzzy.

Looking down, I was filled with dread at what I saw.

My tail was back.