The Squad (Shane Dawson)

!Oh my god!

"New York, New York it's a heck of a town the Bronx zoo's up but the battery's down...uh, i forget the rest."

To be honest the battery's not down and neither is murder...but it's nice here, sometimes when it's hot you can smell horrible smells and sometimes it's dead bodies baking in the sun.

Too much? No?

Well how about the rats, they aren't a huge problem but people keep them as pets now walking them on leashes and shit. This rich woman was walking down the street with her head up and her rat was too.

"Mrs.?" I hear a voice

"What?" I say taking a cucumber off my eye to see an old man.

"You can't sun bathe on my patio"

"Why not?" I look around for an explanation.

"This is my property, now get out of here before I call the police!"

"I'll pay you" i say eating the cucumber.

"No. Your laying on the ground, in a bathing suit with cucumber on your eyes and they don't even have eucalyptus sap on them."

"They don't need sap, when it's a snack"

"Get out of here!" He says in his strong jersey accent

"Fine" I say eating the other cucumber.

"Now!" He shouts. I pretend to cry all the way to my apartment nextdoor. I start laughing.

"Ha, I'm hilarious" I say getting a bowl of cucumber out of the fridge.

In case you haven't noticed i love cucumber. Why? Because I do.

My phone buzzed on the other side of the couch. I groan in frustration. I don't want to get up, I'm perfectly comfortable half naked on my couch watching Special Victims Unit. I grab my phone and i answer it.

"Hello?"

"Who dis?" I asked

"This is Blake, your manager"

"Blake who?"

"Don't play, get dress and come outside"

"How do you know I have no clothes on?" I ask looking around.

He just breathes into the phone until I see his face pressed up against my sliding glass door. I open the door and look at him like an intruder.

"What are you doing?" I ask into the phone.

I hear my voice echo on his end. "You have a meeting in 20 minutes"

My eyes widen "when did this happen?" I turn my phone off and race to my room. Blake following behind.

"You know it's been on the calender for a week"

"No I didn't know you put so much stuff on my calendar I lose my mind" I say putting on my black dress and wedges I brush my hair into a bun and spray myself with a glob of perfume. I grab my bag and head outside and get into Blake's car. He gets in and i remember I left my phone.

"I left my..." I start before he tosses my phone at me. I roll my eyes

"What would you do without me?" He says driving away from my home.

"Literally nothing" I laugh.

10 and half minutes later...

I race to the building with Blake and almost trip but make it to the elevator safely.

Meanwhile at Shanes house:

"Alright guys I've kinda fell down another hole on YouTube and found a really creative girl who sings, dances, acts, she's funny, literally the whole package" Shane says.