The Squad (Shane Dawson)

!tana!

(I bet you can guess what this chapter is about)

I am at my apartment right now, shocking. But I'm just cleaning because my cousin Vanessa is coming to stay here with her husband and baby.

And of course I'll be staying at Shane's house.

Its only for a couple weeks, Vanessa is a fashion designer and is here to promote her line with Balenciaga.

She's so fucking lucky.

But there's a catch, i have to watch the baby.

I hate babies.

Especially 3 year olds. They talk too much for a child that just learned to talk. 

One time a child bit my vagina and punched me in the face.

It was harsh.

Very tramatic.

But this baby is 5 months old which is okay, they don't have teeth.

The door bell rings as I'm mopping the floor, I skip to the door and open it.

"Hey" says Vanessa.

"Hi" I say and she walks in with carrying the car seat with baby Aidan in it.

I turn back to the door and see her husband.

"Oh, hi mark" I say (lol, if u get it)

"Shut up, freaking potato looking ass"

"Whoa, rude" I say closing the door on him. A second later he knocks and I open it.

"I apologize"

"Hmm" I smiled and let him in.

"So anything new?" Asked Vanessa.

"Yeah, I'm pregnant"

"cool, I was pregnant"

"Hm. can I see Aidan?" I say.

She takes him out of his seat and hands him to me.

"He so tiny" I smiled.

"You should prank Andrew" she says

"I'll say I adopted!" I say laying kisses on baby Aidan.

I give Aidan back to her. "I have some rules"

"What rules?" Asked mark taking candy from my jar, I pop his hand.

I'll be a good mom.

"No onions, no coke or pepsi products, any mess you make, you clean up. I'm talking to you Mark"

He turns around with his finger in his nose "what?"

"Okay, that's disgusting, and if you don't clean anything and I come back to anything dirty, I will kill you and no one will find your body"

He takes his finger out of his nose quickly "yes, ma'am"

"And no one goes in my room, you sleep in the guest room/office. I dust for prints, watch yourself"

"I understand completely" says Vanessa "can't say the same about Mark"

"Hey!" He objects

"alright, I'm going to take a shower make yourselves at home" I say going to the bathroom.

As I'm shower and thinking of all the ways I can bend for Andrew, I hear a loud crash. I slip in the shower and take the curtain with me.

I hit the floor "what the fuck!?"