Trixie Mattel /City Lights Ain't Got Nothing On Country Lights

Weirdness Follows Me Where Ever I go

The clocked chimed in the hallway. I sat on the floor holding my warm cup of tea in my hands. Swirling it around and watching it's contents splash around the mug. I was so tired after moving the last of my boxes from the car in to my new house. I looked around at the boxes stacked high around the living room. I sighed. I had so much unpacking to do but no energy. I scratched my head. I had moved from the city to the countryside. I wasn't used to the quietness of the roads, the birds cheeping away in the trees was a foreign noise to me. I was so used to the hustle and bustle of the city, the sounds and lights of rush hour. So the green grass, wild animals and beautiful landscapes were a different world to me. This was my second night here and I hadn't left the house yet to meet new people or check out the entertainment in the town. I placed the cup of tea on the floor at the side of me and rubbed my temples. I heard a faint noise from the front door. It sounded like the letterbox opening and closing. I stood up and made my way to the front door. On my door mat was a leaflet. I bent over , picked it up and began to read.

"Drag Act! Trixie Mattel! Happy Hour ! 7pm Sharp! Not To Be Missed!" It read in big writing. The leaflet was pink in colour. On the bottom of the leaflet was a picture of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She had long blonde hair and very bright but perfectly painted makeup. Her bright, blue eyes stared back at me. Her big, pink lips pouted as she posed in a bright pink cowboy outfit. Tassels falling from the arms. Her body was so curvy and her legs. If only I had them legs. I stood there just staring at the leaflet. Shall I go? I need to get out the house and show my face. I turned around and looked around at the boxes again. I didn't have the motivation to empty more boxes this evening. Fuck it! Lets go make ourselves known. I turned on my heels and headed in to my bedroom to get myself ready. I brushed my hair and made sure it was straightened. I blended my makeup, perfected my eyebrows and picked out an outfit. Something casual but classy. I picked a tight, black dress that showed just a little cleavage. Of course it wouldn't be complete without small black heels right? I grabbed my handbag off the vanity unit and checked my purse. Plenty of money. Lets get this show on the road. I left my house, locking the door behind me and jumped in to my car. The directions were on the leaflet that I had scrunched in my hand.

After fifteen minutes I made it to the town. I parked up on the side of the road and took another look at the leaflet. I looked up once again and saw the sign of the club flashing.

"This must be it" I said as I watched people entering and exiting the club. I felt a bit nauseous at the thought of entering this club that I had never seen before. On my own. Nobody to accompany me. I began to finger tap the steering wheel with my long nails. Clicking away I waited a minute. Then two. Then three. Just get out of the car! I took a deep breath. Picked up my handbag and exited the car. My heels clipped away at the pavement as I walked over to the club. I kept my head down so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. I felt eyes burning in to me from the people stood outside. I opened the club door and walked inside. The heat hit me. I looked up and was taken aback with how many people were here to see this drag act. Some heads turned to the door to look at me and they turned away. I maneuvered passed people to get to the bar. I took an empty seat at the bar. The bartender made his way over to me.

"Hey Miss, what can we get ya" He said happily. I thought for a second.

"Could I just have a small wine please?" I asked. He threw his head back and laughed. My face burned red. Oh shit what did I say?

"Wine?" He said confused looking me up and down. I nodded confused.

"Your not from around here are you Miss? You a city gal?" He asked again. I gulped.

"Uh , yeah I just moved here" I said confidently. What was his problem?

"We have beer in this club. But if you want a wine-_" He said starting to turn around to fetch a wine glass.

"A beer, I'll have a beer" I said quickly. He smirked and grabbed the pint glass next to the wine glasses. I didnt want to stick out like a sore thumb even more than what I did. He put the glass under the beer tap and began to fill it up. He placed the beer in front of me and smiled. I began to dig through my handbag for money.

"And how much is that?" I asked looking down.

"Its on the house Miss, your new here so just enjoy the entertainment gal" He winked and walked off to serve someone else. My heart thumped a little. Thanks! I took a sip of the bitter beer and a licked the froth from my top lip. I heard a crackling of a mic and a loud voice boom over the microphone.

"Testing . One two , one two. Good evening everybody how we all doing!" It said. The clubs lights dimmed and the stage lit up. An older gentleman walked on to the stage. He was dressed head to toe in a white cowboy outfit complete with a white cowboy hat with a badge on it. The room cheered.

"We have a beautiful woman here tonight to sing ya some songs, maybe even roast ya and make ya'll guys laugh until ya belly's hurt! Ladies and gentleman. Please welcome. Miss Trixie Mattel!" The gentleman left the stage and handed the microphone to a figure waiting at the side.

"Hi guys" Said a different voice. From the side of the stage the same lady I had seen on the leaflet skipped in to the middle of the stage with a big bright smile. I wasn't to far from the stage so I could see her quite well. She looked exactly like she did in the leaflet. Down to the same outfit. She waved at some of the crowd in the front row.

"Hi! I'm the star of the soft core Iraqi porn ,stuck between Iraq and a hard place,Trixie Mattel!" The crowd just lost it and everyone cheered and clapped. Oh my god ! What have I gone and got myself in to. What was this place and why did I make the stupid decision in coming here?  I looked nervously at the stage as Trixie began to scope the room. Her hand up to her eyes to dim the light from her eyes. Please for the love of everything holy do not even look over here.