DYSPHORIA

1. The Snake in the Meadow

I

-Finley pov-

"Leave me to wallow in my solitude!" 

I scream at Marius as he tries to pull me out of my desk chair. He gives me a sharp tug but his strength was nothing in comparison to mine and he loses his grip, falling to the floor.

 "Finley! You haven't left your room in nearly two weeks! You don't eat or drink, I don't even think you sleep! I get it, you're heartbroken but this isn't healthy!" Mari yells at me and I stand up. 

Grabbing him by the hood of his sweatshirt and dragging him across the hardwood floor of my bedroom to the door. Tossing him out with such vigor that he goes flying into the wall in the hallway causing him to scream in pain. 

"HEY! You don't get to abuse people just because you're having a hard time!" Mari's boyfriend Jamie decides to chime in as he rushes to the scene and stands between us to protect my precious cousin.

 "Oh good, you're both here. Now stay out of my life, stop trying to check up on me, and Leave...Me...ALONE!" I scream at both of them. Jamie's intense stance and deadly glare quickly transforms into one of pure concern. 

"Fin, we're just worried about..." I slam the door right in his face. Hopefully hard enough to break his nose or some shit so both of them learned a lesson. 

Turning the lock I walk back to the desk and grab hold of my phone. 

Staring at the message, I read it over and over again until I felt like I was going insane.

"I'm sorry, I want to talk, let me explain myself, please talk to me,"

 He had texted me thirty minutes ago.

 No amount of cursing in the vocabulary of all the languages around the world could begin to describe this snake I had gotten tangled up with. 

There was no amount of apologizing that could ever launch my forgiveness. I hate him with every piece of my being, I had run out of tears four days ago but the burn in my heart never faded away.

 I feel disgusting, useless, and shameful as I cup my face with my palms and try to scream, but my throat was too far gone. 

The last of my vocals had been used up in the fight with Mari. 

My phone vibrates across the desk, dancing in rhythmic movements and I glance at it through trembling fingertips.

 It was him. 

He was trying to call me now. 

With a hysterical laugh, I pick up my phone and whip around, throwing it as hard as I could against the plain white wall, shattering it to pieces. 

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath as I try to stand but my legs give out and I fall to the floor. I had given up and sink the rest of my body to the cold hard floor of my dorm room, facing the windows of the closed balcony doors. 

Although I had drawn the curtains tight, a small amount of light still shines through and warms my fragile body. Wishing for death in the blinding yellow light, I quietly close my eyes and with a loud sigh, prepare to take my last breath.

But the sharp grinding of some unholy sound pierces my eardrums and I open my eyes again. 

The sound goes away and I close my eyes once more.