DYSPHORIA

16. Confessions

-finley pov-
 I yawn as I take a small sip of coffee and run my fingers through my wet hair. Walking through the door to Kaeden's hospital room after a run home to change my clothes and take a shower while he was in group therapy. 

"Hey, how was it?" I ask, puting my bag down on the small bench in the corner of his room next to the empty wardrobe.

 "It was okay," He quietly answers and I watch him dig a skinny black crayon into a sheet of paper until it snaps in half. 

"What did the crayon ever do to you?" I ask. Taking my coat off and sitting down beside him. 

"Nothing, I didn't mean for it to break. I'm just frustrated with myself." He sighs and I look down at the paper filled with speech bubbles. 

"Why? What is it?" I ask as I read the word kindness in one bubble.

 "I have to list fifty things I like about myself." He says and I take another sip of coffee. 

"I could tell you fifty things I like about you, but that wouldn't be of much help huh?" I offer and he bites the edge of his lip. 

"Well there's another sheet that I'm supposed to have other people answer," he says and points to the empty sheet on the small desk hovering above his lap. 

"I'm sure your friends could fill it up in a heartbeat. They'll be here soon, Noell and Cassie are probably going to be all over you," I reassure him but instead of getting excited at the mention of their names, he seems to retreat back into his shell. 

"You don't have to be here Finley. I can do this on my own. You of all people probably have better things to do," He says with a sad croak in his weak voice.

 He picks up a dark blue crayon and holds it on the paper. The bandage on his right wrist looked uncomfortable as he looks at the bubble and starts a word, but stops after only one letter before scribbling over it. 

"Me? Better things to do? What could be better than hanging out with you all day?" I ask as I pat him on the shoulder. 

"I can think of a lot of things better than sitting here with me all day," he says and scratches the back of his head while I keep my hand rested on his shoulder. 

"I can tell you from personal experience that it's a lot better than an 8 AM art class," I say and he finally loosens up a bit with a small chuckle of laughter. 

"You wanna wash your hair before the crew comes to attack?" I ask and thankfully the smile stays. 

"You're right, I should probably do that," Kaeden goes to get up and stumbles a bit but I'm right there to catch him. 

"Hey, need help?" I ask and he gives a small nod so we can proceed to the bathroom.

"Alright, let's just get your shirt off so we can at least..." 

Kaeden leans against the wall as I rim the bottom of his shirt but he holds it down like a life vest of sorts.

 "No...I can't," He shakes his head profusely and I pull back.

 "Oh, okay okay. Hey, I'm not trying to do anything I swear. I'm only trying to help you," I let go of him and take a step back, but he slides down the wall, unable to keep himself up. I rush to catch him again before he hits the floor. 

"I'm sorry, I can't...I know you probably think it's stupid, but they won't let me wear my binder because of the monitors and the way it restricts my breathing and...and," He suddenly starts to shake but I pull him into my arms.