𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

go to bed › c.b.

i was lying down on my back on our bed with my earbuds in, slightly nodding to beat of the song i was listening to. it was late, the sky was dark. outside of our window was a world painted in cold colors, little specks of white glimmering in the black, the starlight and moonlight somehow finding a way to illuminate through the glass panes and shine into our room.

i had the light next to me turned on, but it didn't do much. the light bulb wasn't very powerful, but she had on two other lights so she could see. i looked over at her. her beautiful hair was pulled up high into a messy bun, her back hunched over her desk. i felt my face wash over with concern for the girl across of me. 

"(y/n)," i said gently, pulling both of my earbuds out. "hey, baby?" i sat up and got off of our bed. i gently walked over to her, knowing she was stressed and tired. 

i kneeled on the left of her chair, watching her scribble notes down on a piece of paper in a messy handwriting that was definitely not hers. she sighed, looking back up at her computer screen that was making some of the light in the room. 

"(y/n)," i said a little louder, a little more sternness to my voice. "(y/n), look at me." i let my right hand move up to her chin to pull her eyes off of the screen. her head turned towards me but her eyes stayed glued to her online class. 

"corbyn," she said. i cringed at hearing her voice. it made my heart hurt. it was so tired, so strained, so raspy. she hadn't been getting enough sleep, and part of that was my fault. i should've seen it before and i should've tried to help her, but i brushed it off. "i need to do this." her voice cracked as she spoke to me, making my organs fall to the bottom of my body leaving my heart alone in its spot.

i sighed. "(y/n), look at me." i said. she closed her eyes, and i could tell she wanted to keep them closed. she opened them back up again and looked towards me. i finally saw her full face, and the sight made me devastated. 

she had dark eye bags under her beautiful (y/e/c) orbs. her skin was dry, she hadn't even done her skin routine in the past few days because she was overworking herself. her eyes that used to be full of joy and wonder were now eyes that held exhaustion and stress and anxiety. 

"oh, my baby." i said. she closed her eyes again, and for a while, i thought she had fallen asleep in my hand. that is, until she woke herself up again and got back to work. 

"corbyn," it sounded like she was begging. but begging for what? she needed sleep. "i need to finish this."

"(y/n)," i mocked her, dragging out her name. "you can't be doing this. not like this. this is unacceptable, this is unhealthy. this isn't good for you. you're working way too much. i don't care if this is school. it's affecting your health, and you can't let it do that to you. you have to stop. you have to take a break. i can't see you like this, have you looked in the mirror recently?"

she looked at me with angry eyes, and even though she was mad, i could see through her. i could see the exhaustion and the need of sleep. i could see how badly she needed to just crash on the bed while watching netflix and eating popcorn, falling asleep with me right next to her. 

she sighed, looking back at her paper and her computer. then, back at me. "just let me finish this one paper," she begged. i looked at her with denial. "please, corbyn. this is my fault, i'm doing this last minute. i'm sorry. but it's due tomorrow and i need to finish it. it's not that much, just two more pages."

i looked at my beautiful girlfriend dumbfounded. i scoffed. "no," i laughed. she closed her eyes and whined, placing her arms on her desk, resting her forehead on her forearms. "i am telling you no, (y/n). i don't care that this is schoolwork. i don't care that it's due tomorrow. it is affecting how you are living and sleeping. for fuck's sake, you're not even sleeping! you've haven't had an ounce of sleep in six days. almost a week! you cannot keep this up like this. you need to stop. just stop, baby. i love you so much, and i can't see you like this. so please, sleep. go watch tv, or play with the dog, sleep until you're 50. just do something. do it for me. and if not for me, do it for yourself. please, baby." i begged. 

(y/n) remained in her depressing position, holding her head in his arms, slouched over the desk. a few seconds passed, almost a minute, but it felt like three hours. it took me a little bit of time to notice it, but i heard light breaths coming from her mouth.

it sounded like silent sobbing.

"(y/n)," i said gently again, contradicting the point of my argument. "(y/n), baby, talk to me."

she moved her head so she was facing me. her eyes were read, her face was blotchy. she had tears streaming down her cheeks, leaving stains that i would wipe away. "i'm so sorry, corbyn," she muttered. she gasped, making my heart break into millions of pieces. "i'm so sorry. i'm so, so, so sorry." she repeated.

i picked her up from her chair and sat her down on our bed sitting in between her legs on my knees. she was still crying, trying to apologize to me when she did nothing wrong. "baby girl, you don't have to be sorry for anything. you didn't do anything wrong, don't think that you did. if one of us did something wrong, than it was me. i was a bad boyfriend. i hadn't noticed the stress and anxiety you were going through. i'm sorry i hadn't noticed. i should have, and maybe if i did, we wouldn't be here right now."

i wrapped my arms around her abdomen and pulled her closer to me. i felt her hand snake up into my hair, letting her fingers tangle and touch the roots. her other was wrapped around me, resting my back. i kissed her neck gently every now and then, making sure she knew i wasn't mad. 

once we let go of our beautiful embrace, i put both my hands on her arms, rubbing the skin lightly with my thumb. "corbyn," she said quietly. i almost couldn't hear her.

"yes?" i looked up into her eyes. her eyes weren't tired anymore. they weren't stressed either. instead, they were full of love and hope. it warmed my heart and the insides of my body.

"will you make us some popcorn?"

"yes, love," i replied. "i will make us some popcorn."