𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

i promise i'll get them back › d.s.

warning: may be triggering to some readers. mentions of sexual stuff, assault, self-hate, rape

please don't say i'm crossing the line right now. if that is the problem, then we can have a private discussion about it. but please do not write anything negative about this chapter. this topic is important to me. a person i know, a person who i am very close to, has experienced this when she was very young. this is close to me, and i do believe that it isn't talked about enough.

and i do warn you, if you think this chapter will be triggering to you, please do not read. 

if you are a survivor of rape, assault, or any kind of abuse, my heart is with you. you're so strong for surviving. remember that i and every other person reading this loves you. we support you. don't give up. 

if you don't believe us, remember that jack, daniel, corbyn, zach, and jonah love you very much.

i sat in my car with both of my hands placed on the steering wheel. i breathed slowly, inhaling and exhaling, trying so hard not to lose focus on what i wanted and needed to do. i moved carefully, trying not to hurt the parts of my body that hurt the most.

i turned off the radio, i turned off the engine, and i took my keys out of the ignition. i blinked a few times to wash the tears back into my head, trying so hard not to cry. i grabbed my phone and tried to turn it on, seeing that the charger in my car hadn't worked and it was still dead. 

i mentally groaned to myself as i was in both physical and mental pain. every part in my body reeked with pain. it hurt my arms just to get out of the car. it was like i had run over the country in only three hours. 

i gasped as i used all of the little strength i had left to open the door so i could get out of the vehicle. i smiled to myself as i remembered the day daniel had bought me a brand new car since i had always told him that i wanted a new one. 

as i lifted myself up and out of the car, i silently gasped and hissed at the pain in my lower area. it pounded with agony, and the more i moved, the more it hurt. 

i didn't even use my arms to push the door closed. i just sort of put all of my body weight on it and it shut. i pulled my keys out of my pocket and locked the doors. 

i wasn't safe anymore.

as i walked up to the house, i noticed that all the lights on the first floor were turned on. the second floor was dark, so i assumed that the boys were asleep.

thank god. 

i silently limped in pain as i reached the porch, catching my breath. i felt like crying right there and then. i didn't care if it was 2:05 in the morning. i didn't care if it was on the porch of my boyfriend's house. i didn't care if it was where the world could see me. 

i felt like collapsing on the ground and crying so hard. 

but i didn't. i stayed standing, leaning against the wall. as i mentally motivated myself to get up, my body did the same. my hands shook as i pushed myself off the wall, catching my balance. very slowly and silently, i took the key to the house that i was given and unlocked the front door.

as i walked inside, i noticed that my hopes were not to be fulfilled. there, each boy of why don't we, sat in the living room. jonah, jack, and zach on the couch, corbyn on the armrest, and daniel on a chair he must have pulled out from the kitchen.