𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

it's you › j.m.

we broke up about two and a half months ago, but i still can't seem to get over you, and now that i see you almost everyday without even trying, i think it's time i told you that i'm still crazily in love with you.

was my heart still broken? yes, my heart was in millions of pieces and i couldn't find the motivation to pick them all up.

was i over him? a little bit, but at the end of the day, i remember how he used to hold me and whisper sweet sayings into my ear, and i seem to fall for him all over again.

did i miss him? of fucking course i missed him, he had such a big role in my life for such a long time, and it's hard to say goodbye after all that.

did i want him? i didn't really know. i didn't really know if i wanted him back. we broke up because of distance, and we started to turn into something we weren't. we became this couple who didn't have time for each other, and sadly, that brought the end to us.

seeing him in that coffee shop made the butterflies in my stomach reappear. the last time i had felt them was the first time i met jonah, and that was a year ago.

i didn't know he still went to that coffee shop. i thought that he would've gone to the usual starbucks or something like that. the coffee shop was a local one, one you couldn't find anywhere else in the world called 'the coffee pit'. it was me and jonah's favorite place. he'd drive us down at 2 am and we'd just sit somewhere and drink coffee while talking.

i didn't know he still went there, but i couldn't say much, because i was more heartbroken than him, and i went there everyday.

i stood in line, waiting for the three people in front of me to order their drinks. it felt like it took forever, but then it had been my turn to order something. i remembered the barista with the pretty brown hair, freckles splattered on her nose, her forest green eyes as she took my order.

i sat down and checked my messages while waiting for my drink. and i couldn't help but hear that familiar laugh. the familiar laugh of the boy who held my heart for a year and still did at that moment.

i didn't dare to look up to him. i wondered if he saw me, but then realized that i was hidden from where he was in the building by plants. i slowly lifted my gaze from my phone and looked around the small cafe, searching for him. and then i saw him.

and those goddamn butterflies wouldn't leave me alone.

he was there with daniel and corbyn, which was unsual considering that daniel and corbyn had never been there before. none of the boys had ever been at 'the coffee pit', it was just for me and jonah.

i heard my name called from the counter, but not loud enough for jonah to hear it. i jumped up from my chair and rushed to counter, grabbing my drink and mumbling a quick 'thank you' to the barista, her sending me a small smile of sympathy.

news travels fast. i thought as i exited the building.

that night, i couldn't help but think about jonah more than usual. we had ended on good terms, but we weren't friends. we weren't enemies, but we didn't stay in touch. he let me keep the apartment as he moved back to his with the boys. but i dreaded staying in the same apartment. i really wished it was i that had moved, but instead, i lived in the place that i once called home with him.

i painted the walls. i put all of our pictures in the box since i was too much of a chicken to throw them away. i got new furniture, i got new blankets, new everything. but no matter what i did to change the place, it still held all the memories of me and jonah.

the next day, i had seen jonah with daniel and corbyn, daniel's sister, anna, joining them. i had grown close with anna, i had considered her one of my closest friends. i continued to hide from jonah, not having the bravery to face him.