𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

ordinary › j.a.

i'm just me. 

what can i say? i'm no different from other girls. i don't have beautiful and/or unique features. if i'm being honest, i think i look like every other girl i've ever seen. i'm not different, there's nothing about me that makes me so special. 

i'm so...ordinary.

so why did jack choose me? he had a picked of over a thousand girls all over the world, yet he chose me. why? there were so many other girls. they're so much prettier than me, smarter than me. how could he love me when he had a whole other choice?

i often found this question roaming through my head. i didn't quite understand why i wondered about it so often. i was confident in myself. that is, until i met jack. 

and it wasn't that jack didn't make me less confident. if anything, he made my self-esteem higher. everyday, he told me "you're so beautiful", "you're absolutely gorgeous", something along those lines.

but it was the fans. the fans had a complete toll on jack's life, and it wasn't his fault. he was famous, he had fans worldwide, but that didn't mean that they had to take a toll on my life. 

stop eating.

oh my god, she's ugly.

i liked gabbie more.

how are they still together?

she's ugly, she doesn't deserve him. 

get the fuck off my man. 

i didn't deserve this, though. i didn't deserve the ugly and rude remarks that 50% of the limelights ever made about me. there were the fans that loved me and were kind and asked for pictures and stuff, but the other fans. 

i didn't deserve to be hated. i get that i wasn't special, i wasn't unique. but i didn't deserve hate for it. all i had ever done was try to be enough for everybody, but everybody keeps wanting more and more.

i couldn't even go to the grocery store without being harassed. it wasn't enough to make me leave jack, but it was enough to distance myself from him. 

and i couldn't turn him away from his fans. they're his fans. his supporters. they're the reason he's so famous and he's doing so well. if i were to tell him and open up to him, two things could happen. 

one, jack could talk to his fans and possibly lose half of them. i couldn't do that. he loves them so much, and it would be cruel for me to get him to push them away.

two, i could tell jack, and we could get into a fight. and if it was bad enough, he could leave. and i couldn't let that happen. the fans were right about one thing, i was desperate. it was lame and pathetic, but jack had helped me through so much with everything. my life would crumble into millions of little pieces if he were to leave.

i knew jack noticed my pain. every night he would ask me if i was okay. every night, i would lie and tell him the same thing. i knew he saw deep down through me and could tell i was lying, but he gave up and let me fall asleep.

jack doesn't really care about her.

i think he pities you. 

did he? did he pity me? was that the only reason he stayed? because he felt bad? it would make sense. it would explain everything to me. i'm nothing. i'm nothing special, and if jack only asked me out and told me he loved me because he felt bad for me, i wouldn't be surprised.

did i not trust jack? did i not trust him enough to not believe him when he told me he loved me? shouldn't i have? a relationship is built on trust. it's the second most important part to a relationship, and if the trust in us wasn't all that strong, did we have a healthy relationship?

god, i don't even know where i'm going with this. i make up these silly fantasies in my head, so silly that i know they can't possibly be true. i would tell myself a bunch of bullshit, and then force the blind side of me to believe it.

when in reality, i knew jack loved me. 

i knew he loved me more than anyone else. he loved me with his entire heart. he would rip the organ from his chest and place it into a scorching fire for me. he would drain the planet of all its water if i was thirsty, even if it meant others would dry up.

he loved me more than anyone ever had, and i knew that. i was glad for that. he was there when i needed him the most. he was there during the little moments that most people don't think about.

but it's the little moments that count. the little moments are the pieces that makes up a relationship, other than trust and love. and i knew we had that. i did trust jack. i trusted him with my life. i trusted him with my heart, fuck, i'd never done that with anyone before. and i loved him. i loved him more than he, or anyone else for that matter, could imagine.

and when i finally opened up to him about the hate, neither of the things i listed happened. yes, he talked to his fans, but he didn't lose any. they simply accepted the fact that they had done something wrong and moved on. he didn't leave me. he stayed with me the entire night, holding me in his arms until we fell asleep.

i didn't receive any hate after that day. it was over, all gone. no more. i could meet with fans without having being harassed. i could post a picture on social media without getting rude remarks. i could live so happily and freely without the weight of someone's disliking of me on my shoulders.

and i remembered those little moments. i remembered those small times where it was just me and jack, sometimes the boys in the background.

i was happy. i was happy with my life. and i knew it by then. i was different. i was beautiful. i didn't know how, but i knew it. jack had helped me see that. 

i was more than ordinary.