𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

perfectly wrong › j.m.

based on the song "perfectly wrong" by shawn mendes in honor of his new album.

taste the posion from your lips.
lately, we're as good as gone.
oh, our love is drunk and it's
singing me my favorite song.

her lips were covered with some type of drug, i just didn't know what. every time i kissed her, convincing myself it was love, i was given the addictive subject again, falling for her even more. but it was't real. and i wanted it to be. 

i wanted our love to be real because i wanted to have that feeling. the feeling that all my friends had. i wanted it. but our love was something different, and not in a good way. our love was that of a drunk man trying to walk on a road at night without getting hit while singing a beautiful song.

me and you.
we were made to break.
i know that's true,
but it's much too late.

i had never actually had a real girlfriend before. i had been through so many, and with each one, i was stupid and naive, and i thought that it was all real. but it wasn't. and i should've seen it with (y/n). we were both fragile, so that made us vulnerable.

and (y/n) wasn't a bad person. she meant no harm to me, i knew that. it was the same way if you turned the whole situation around. i was the same way to her she was to me. if it makes any sense. we just broke, and other things started to happened. it wasn't either of our faults.

oh, and why can't i quit
when you break my heart open?
i need you more than you know.
oh, and i can't resist
when you're up against my skin
i never want to let you go.

i don't want to leave her though. i don't want to be lonely. and if i were to ever leave her, i wouldn't be able to be motivated to find someone else. i'm too fragile like that. if my heart gets broken, i won't be able to come back to the surface for a breath of fresh air for a long time. i don't need that right now.

i don't need to have the memory that i broke someone's heart. i don't need that to haunt me. i don't need my heart broken anymore. and even though i'm still slightly convinced that it is love, my heart still slowly breaks, piece by piece, every single day. 

every day i feel a deep pang in my chest as i wake up to see her next to me. does she even want to be here? is she like me? she wants to leave, but she just can't, even though what she has with me is nothing, it's not real, it's fake, it's painful, it's hurting us, and it will ruin us, and she just wants to leave it, but she can't? i wonder sometimes, but i never know. 

i wonder if she feels the same way. 

i remember how i felt when i saw her. how i felt overwhelmed, but with what? with joy? the only thing we ever feel when we're together is boredom. we simply weren't made for each other, but we can't split. we just can't.

and it's painful because every time i see her, i remember the first time i ever lied my eyes on her. how i thought she was the most beautiful woman i had ever seen. i wish i had never lied an eye on her. i wish i hadn't gone to the vans store with daniel that day. i wish i hadn't chosen to look at the sweatshirts. i wish i hadn't chosen the stupid red one she said she thought was cool. i wish i hadn't chosen to wear my stupid band t-shirt that she complimented.

we're emotional. we have feelings. and when our feelings get hurt, we're more emotional than ever. we can't stand the heartbreak, yet every tiny little thing we do seems to break us even more.

we're wrong for each other. we are not supposed to be with each other. we are not supposed to get married, or have children, or have a house, or have anything like that because we are simply not made for each other. 

you're perfectly wrong for me.
that's why it's so hard to leave.
yeah, you're perfectly wrong for me.
even the stars in the sky could see
that you're perfectly wrong for me.

okay, so in my first book, i put in a picture of myself. it was absolutely terrible, so i'm gonna download another one so you don't have to look at that. 

it's better quality, i look better( i look clean ) and my hair is not a mess. it's not the best photo i have of myself, but if i'm being honest, i didn't feel like looking for it.

and yes! even though it is memorial day, i'm still updating. ❤️️❤️️