𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

i know you › j.a.

he's so perfect. his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his personality, his humor. his hair. but i don't just think he's cute. he's so kind and so thoughtful. he's selfless and loyal. he stands with you no matter what. he's always happy and bubbly and sparky. he's never sad. and when he is, he admits it. he admits that he's not feeling the best. he's the best type of friend to have.

but that's all we are. friends. and i want to be so much more than that. i know we can't though. i know it'll never happen. he simply does not feel the same emotions about me that i feel about him. and that's okay. that happens to a lot of people. it's happened to me before, so it's okay.

is it?

maybe the fact that it's happened to me before more than twice makes my heart break. i've always seemed to like guys that never like me back. there's a weird pleasure in doing so. and even though i tell myself that i'll never fall for a boy who won't fall for me, i seem to not be able to catch myself when i do. i hate it. i should have control, right? but i don't. i can barely control my feelings towards him.

i wonder if it's obvious that i like him. i think so, while i think that i cover it up pretty while. i haven't told anybody. the only person that knows is daniel because he found out. daniel's just like that i guess. but he's good about it. he keeps my secret. daniel's a good friend too. i can tell he feels bad for me whenever jack dismisses the idea of us dating. the fans joke about it all the time, but that's what it is. a joke. and it'll stay that way.

daniel's tried multiple times to get me to tell jack. and every time, i tell him no. i simply don't have the guts. i never had, never will. and it's a classic situation. i don't want to ruin our friendship. i don't want to tell jack that i've been completely in love with him for the past year, almost year and a half, and then ruin what we have. what we have may not be what i want, but it's enough that i can live with it.

and it's sad. jack doesn't know that he's slowly breaking my heart here. he has no bad intentions, i know that. if anything, he means total good to me. that's all he ever has. but inside, my heart is slowly cracking in half. there's multiple layers to my heart to protect the inside, because that's my most vulnerable spot. but slowly, very slowly, jack is breaking each of those layers, getting closer and closer to breaking me completely.

and i've never had that happen to me.

i'm in love with jack, and quite honestly, it terrifies me.

»«

"(y/n)," daniel said sympathetically. i didn't want his sympathy. i wanted jack. "just look away. you don't have to read it, you know."

"i know, daniel," i said. my mind told me to listen to my close friend, to turn off my phone and pay attention to something else. but i kept scrolling through all the comments and replies and posts about us. they would all say how much of a cute couple me and jack would make. and i believed it. but he didn't. it was tearing me apart. "i know."

"so turn off the phone," he said. daniel never raised his voice, but his tone did get sharp at certain times. this was one of those times.

"just," i inhaled lightly and sighed. "it's killing me, daniel. i mean, i agree. i totally agree. i would totally go out with jack. i've been in love with him for almost a year and half, and i'm just holding on. i can barely keep it in. what the fans are saying, stuff like 'they'd be so cute' or 'they should totally date', stuff like that, it's not really what's breaking my heart. it's that every time a fan says something like that and jack sees it, he immediatley shuts down the idea. it's all a joke to him, but it's not a joke to me."

daniel looked me in the eyes, and finally, when he couldn't stand seeing me hurt anymore, he sighed and looked toward the ground. "(y/n)," he began. i rolled my eyes as i didn't need lecturing. "i understand. i understand what you feel. i mean, i've been through it. i once really liked this girl that i was friends with back in high school. she was absolutely amazing. she was gorgeous, smart, intelligent, and talented. we both loved music. but we were friends, and even though i wanted to tell her so badly that i liked her, i just couldn't. and i never did. i never really saw her again, and the feeling for her just sort of faded away, but part of me wishes that i did tell her. i regret that."