Maybe We Were Meant to Be (Tay Jardine and Jenna Mcdougall)

Pieces Mended

Jenna:

I was packed and ready to go. I had been preparing myself for this for the past four months, not so much physically as mentally. I hadn't spoken to Hayley in over three months, after our break-up I had to go by the house to get my stuff and sign some papers so she could sell the house and move back to Franklin, but after that I had shut her out.

I stayed with Tay in her apartment, some nights sleeping on the couch, other nights snuggling up to her in her bed. I knew it wasn't fair to lead her on like that, I knew she had feelings for me that she was trying hard to suppress because she knew I was in no state to date again, but it felt so good to feel her protective embrace on the nights when I felt alone.

I told myself that I had forgiven Hayley enough to survive this tour without having a mental breakdown. Plus I knew I would have Tay there to keep me sane. She had been there for me no matter what these past few months, no matter how loud I screamed either out of anger or from a nightmare, no matter how much I shut her out in my long mute periods, she was always there to bring me back to reality.

I took my bag to the front door. Then I went to go check on Tay. She was trying to cram her crumpled up clothes in her suitcase still. I laughed at the mess she was making. I walked over and started rolling up some shirts.

"What are you doing?" she laughed at me like I was crazy.

"Helping you fit all your clothes." I replied in a mock-haughty tone.

"Why are you doing it that way?" she asked, still not convinced of my method.

"I've done it for years, it packs them tight so you can fit everything." I said continuing with my faux arrogance.

Tay shrugged and started copying me. It took us a half hour to get it all packed, but we were ready to go meet up with the guys with time to spare.

We met up at the WATIC practice garage, which was Jordan's parents'. The men were packing the trailer that was attached to the van. They had already gotten all the instruments in and were now putting in the merch. Tay laid her bag by the rest of her band mates'.

I sat on the curb by the street. My band wasn't there yet. They were supposed to have arrived two hours ago. I hoped that they were just lost and hadn't missed their flight, without me to keep up with time in the airports it was possible.

They drove up in our crappy little van about ten minutes later; I let out a sigh of relief. They parked and out jumped Whakaio, Jake, Cam and Matt.

"Hello miss America!" Jake shouted as he came over to give me a hug

"Miss America? Why that nickname?"

"Cause you're our American girl." replied Matt as he hugged me

"I'm not American. I'm still an Aussie at heart."

"You're really starting to sound like an American too." Whakaio said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes. "I think you've forgotten what an American sounds like."

"I think you've forgotten what a real Australian accent sounds like."  Cam said as he came to get his hug.

I put my bag in the back of the already packed trailer of our van. The boys and I sat in the back and chatted while WATIC finished up getting their stuff. We started with friendly, light small talk, but then the inevitable, dreaded question came up...

"So what happened with you and Hayley?" Matt asked in a quiet, cautious voice.

I looked down at my feet, I didn't really want to talk about it, but my band mates deserved to know. "She cheated on me. She got caught. There's not much more to say."

"Sorry to hear that." Whakaio said, giving me a gentle pat on the back.

"Are you ready to have to face her again?" Jake asked.

"I've been telling myself that I am, but we won't know for sure until we're face to face."

"So have you started seeing anyone?" Cam asked looking towards Tay.

"No, Tay and I aren't together. We're just friends."

"Why? You both want to be in a relationship together don't you?"

"Don't you know that girls are more complicated than that?" I joked. "I'm not ready to move on yet. Once my heart feels whole again, maybe it'll happen." I said with a more serious tone.

Once we were all ready we headed down to Nashville, the first city of the tour and the place were we would be meeting up with Paramore. My heart pounded in my chest the whole way there. I tried listening to music, reading a book, playing games on my phone, anything and everything to get my mind off of seeing Hayley again, but nothing worked; the whole trip was emotional torture.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion after I saw the "Welcome to Tennessee" sign. It seemed like an eternity before we arrived at the venue. As we pulled up my palms started sweating, my mouth went dry and my heart continued pounding.

I looked around for Paramore's bus as I got out. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or more scared when I found out that they still weren't there.

We unloaded our equipment, the boys started soundcheck and I went to do my vocal warm-ups. Once I was alone in our dressing room I let out a scream, it felt so good to release the build up of stress, but it still didn't fix the problem that was imminent.

Another hour passed, Whak and the others came in to the dressing room. They had managed to finish soundcheck without me. We sat back and relaxed as we waited for show time. The boys would occasionally leave the room out of boredom, but I remained closed up there, I wasn't going to risk a mental breakdown right before we went on stage.

When we got our 5 minute warning I took a deep breath and left the room. I didn't look around, I kept my eyes straight ahead. At the side of the stage we all gave each other our routine hugs, jumped around a bit and then ran on stage. The crowd screamed, the adrenaline really kicked in and my mind was focused on all the fans.

It seemed like a flash of deja-vu as I turned and caught a glimpse of her standing on the edge of the stage. The only difference was the sad remorse I saw on her face and the despair that her presence brought into me. I lost my strength and my voice cracked as I tried to sing. I shook my head in an attempt to clear her from my head and re-focus on the crowd.