in your eyes

chapter two

ara

a broken arm, a deep cut on my head and a bit of memory loss. that's how much i endured in that crash and yet i still woke up. lucky me. my head hurt, a pounding pain that refused to leave. my eyelids were as heavy as weights, my chest burning as i breathed in and out. slowly, i found the strength to open my eyes, being met with a very bright light. it made my head feel even worse. lifting a hand above my face, i blocked the light. everything was white. and not the clean, rich looking white. a disgusting, yellowish white that made the place look cheap and dirty. i was alone in the room, many machines hooked up to me, needles piercing my body as fluids rushed in. yet none of that seemed to bother me. though what annoyed me most was the beeping sound that seemed to be echoing in my brain, slowly driving me insane.

it was the second night waking up in that hospital yet it still felt like the first. i hated it here. i hated hospitals. more than anything else. i hated the weird smell, the food that didn't have a taste and i hated the faces of sick people you saw every corner you turned, yet most of all i hated how the last time i was here was for my mum. i hated how i had to watch her slowly die. this place reminded me of her.

mostly how after she died my entire life went to shit. my dad blamed me for it, turning to drugs and alcohol, no longer being a father and kicking me out. he didn't know me anymore, didn't even make an effort to see me and i fucking hated him for everything. and yet i still missed him. i felt bad for him and although part of me wanted to beat him to death, part of me wanted to give him a hug because god knows how much that man had to endure in his life. god knows how much shit he had to deal with growing up, how much the death of his wife who he treated like an angel affected him. i just wanted him to be okay. i wanted to be okay. i wanted us to be okay together.

the door creaked open, revealing abby as she walked in with a tray in hand. "breakfast!"

i gagged and sat up. "i'd rather get in another car crash."

she laughed and set the tray in front of me. two hard boiled eggs and soggy cereal. scrumptious. i looked at it for a few seconds before looking at abby.

"um you don't want to eat this, do you?" she asked, a disgusted look on her face.

"i'd rather-"

"yeah we get it, you'd rather get analed by a mouse than eat this. i'll throw it in the bin."

it took me a few seconds to process what she'd just said and once i did i burst out laughing. "actually i'd rather eat that than get analed by a mouse."

abby gave me a bored look before tipping the food in the bin. "i'm going to get us kfc."

kissing me on the cheek she quickly walked out the room. "love you!"

i leaned back with a smile on my face.

"i love you," i wanted to say to her. fuck, i've loved her for so long and she didn't even know. and i'd been too pussy to say anything to her so i've just been admiring her from a painfully long distance. admiring her, her beauty, her eyes, just... her. she drove me insane and had no fucking clue about it. i grabbed the notebook by my bed and opened it.

'i love you,' i wrote in it. 'i know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all i've ever done is hide from you and scorn you, but i have loved you for several months now, and every second more. i thought an hour ago that i loved you more than any woman has ever loved another woman, but a half hour after that i knew that what i felt before was nothing compared to what i felt then. but then minutes after that i understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas i felt then. your eyes are like that, did you know? i love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there can not be comparison. there is no room in my body for anything but you. my arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. my mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? i will do that. i will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food. anything there is that i can do for you, i will do for you; anything there is that i cannot do, i will learn to do. i know i can not compete with the countless girls you date in skills or wisdom or appeal, but i could make you happier than any of them. i am seventeen and for me there is only you. dearest abby. abby, abby, abby, abby, abby. darling abby,whisper that i have a chance to win your love.'