in your eyes

chapter thirteen

ara

their voices became louder and louder. he yelled at her for cheating and she pleaded for forgiveness. i was seated next to the door, my knees up to my chest. i never liked fighting or shouting or conflict in general. i'd spent countless nights watching my dad yell either at some stranger in a bar or at himself, and everytime it ruined me. i'd spent countless nights watching him start fights with people on the streets or just start hitting himself until he bled and whenever i tried to intervene, he'd kick me out because he was too high or drunk to realise i was his daughter, then proceeded to try and call the police because someone had broken into his house.

"you're such a slut!" lorenz yelled, throwing something at the wall. "you come to the other side of the country just to cheat? camille what the hell is wrong with you!"

"i'm sorry! i know i'm horrible! i miss you lo, i'm sorry. give me a second chance!" camille begged. i never liked her anyway.

"no camille, your chances are over," lorenz said scarily calm. "now get your dirty skank ass out of my house before i call the police!"

i could hear her crying and i only prayed lorenz hadn't hit her. i knew how angry he was, how he could hardly control himself at times but he wasn't abusive. however, i hadn't known him for long. i could be wrong.

"just so you know," she said hiccuping. "you have a small dick."

as the front door closed, i found it hard to stop myself from laughing out loud because really? that's the only insult she could come up with?

just as i was about to stand and make my way to the bed, the door opened revealing lorenz looking down at me. "you heard all that?"

i nodded.

"sorry," he mumbled.

i didn't answer.

i stood up and walked out of my room, making my way to the roof of the house. i liked roofs. it was two in the morning and the adults had gone clubbing so it was just lorenz and i at the house. i didn't talk to him much after what happened, i didn't feel the need to. i made myself comfortable and stared at the houses and streets beneath me, drinking from the bottle in my hand.

i missed abby. the last time i'd heard from her was a few days ago, we hadn't talked since. i missed her voice, her laugh, her cooking, everything about her. i missed my angel.

reaching into my pocket, i grabbed a lighter and a cigarette, lighting it and bringing it to my mouth. after one drag, a hand took it out of my mouth and threw it on the ground below us.

"don't do that," lorenz whispered in a soft voice that almost brought me to tears. he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer and i shuffled my way out of his grasp.

"fuck are you doing?" i asked, taking out another cigarette and lighting it.

"comforting you?" he said, though it came out more like a question.

i chuckled, shuffling further away from him, though i would've fallen off the roof if lorenz hadn't grabbed my arm in time. my heart stopped for a second. i'd almost fallen off, and if i had i would've split my head open on the concrete and died. yet somehow that thought didn't bother me too much.

we sat in silence for a bit longer. "you should've let me fall."

"what?"

"you should've let me fall," i repeated louder.

we sat in silence again, neither of us daring to say a word, me because i didn't know what the fuck to say and him because he was scared to say anything, incase i fucking crumbled at it. which was quite stupid. everything was fucking stupid. he couldn't do anything to make me hate myself more than i already did, both because i didn't give much of a fuck about his opinion and also because it was fucking impossible.