in your eyes

chapter nineteen

lorenz

it was very early in the morning. i could tell by the way the sunlight gleaming through the windows looked pale. i could tell by the way ara's pale skin glowed beneath it, by the way it illuminated her face and her bare legs. i had probably slept a total of one hour the whole night because even in my sleep, i thought about ara and my grip around her sleeping frame tightened even more, scared she would slip away again. because fuck, she was still so sensetive, so fragile, the smallest thing could push her off the edge, make her try to commit again. in one blink she could be gone, swallowed up by her cold, cruel world, leaving me all alone once more.

i remained that way for a while more, breathing lightly with her in my arms, trying to free her from the demons in her head and heal her pain, until a voice from downstairs interrupted that.

my dad.

i didn't want to move, leave ara alone but i also didn't want my dad to come into my room and find us, worst of all wake up her. so slowly, i detached my body from hers, her warmth immediately fading away as she crawled into a ball, her hands tucked into her chest, brows furrowed. i covered her in my blanket and made my way down.

"what's up dad?" i said once i reached the first floor.

he looked at me, confused. "it's 2 pm. you were sleeping?"

i rubbed my eyes. "yeah, had a late night, sorry."

"it's alright," he muttered typing something on his phone. "i'm going to the bakery. you and ara want anything?"

i tried my hardest to hide the expression on my face, because really? he'd forced me to abandon her just to ask what i wanted from the bakery?

"lo," a voice mumbled from behind me. "what's going on?"

i snapped my head in her direction. she was standing at the staircase in my shirt that came up to her mid thigh since it was too big for her, rubbing her eyes like a little kid. i wished she hadn't woken up, because when would i have the chance to cuddle her like that again?

"are you hungry?" i asked, walking toward her.

she thought about it for a moment. "a little."

"when was the last time you ate?"

she paused again, thinking."i... i'm not sure."

my heart sank. "what?"

she took another step back. "i forget sometimes."

of course she did. fuck.

"right then dad, get us all the food," i exclaimed, trying to clear the air.

he was just about to leave when his eyes lit up and turned to me, as if he'd remembered something. "also your mum's coming back from her business trip tomorrow, don't forget."

something in ara's face flickered before disappearing completely, leaving sadness and desperation. "your mum?"

i nodded softly. dad had left by now.

something was definitely off with ara.

she ran a hand through her freshly dyed hair, which i had failed to notice before. she had gone with dark blue after all. "i wish i had a mum."

and that was it. that sentence plunged a knife into my heart and twisted it, because that sentence was huge. fucking enormous. and now all i wanted to do was cradle her in my arms and inspect every inch of her skin to make sure she was okay, because where did that even come from?

i walked forward slowly, not wanting to crowd or overwhelm her. "ara?"

her head snapped in my direction, suddenly a smile plastered on her face. a smile that was too wide, too toothy. i looked off. "talk later? i smell."