in your eyes

chapter eight

ara

the sound of clattering in the other room woke me up. i rubbed my eyes, slowly opening them to see abby laying behind me, her hand lazily slung around my waist. i smiled at the thought of last night's events. who expected such things to happen? i certainly did not.

cautiously i removed her arm from around my waist and slipped off the bed, putting on my underwear and t shirt, i made my way to the other room. i made sure to knock, then opened the door to see lorenz throwing clothes into a suitcase, looking stressed and angry.

"hey," i whispered softly. "you alright?"

he didn't reply. instead, he sat on the ground leaning on the bed with his face in his hands. i didn't say anything, just sat next to him.

"what happened?" i muttered after a few minutes of silence.

he raised his head and looked at the ceiling, letting out a sad chuckle. "you happened."

"sorry?"

"fuck you think i'm so stupid," he mumbled, placing his head back in his hands.

his words were starting to make me angry. he had been living in my house, eating my food and riding my ass and now he was acting like this? "lorenz, fuck is up with you today?"

"shut the fuck up!" he yelled so loudly my ears were beginning to ring. "what the fuck is wrong with you ara?"

i stood up and walked away from him, not being able to take another second of him. my head was aching, my entire body was twitching from anxiety tics and my chest felt like when you dry swallowed a pill. i walked out of the room and ran back to mine, immediately collapsing onto the bed because my legs could no longer carry me.

he reminded me of my dad. lorenz.

and i fucking hated it.

i hated the way he screamed at me because my dad used to the exact same way when he'd shove me out of the house, forcing me to sleep on the fucking streets because he was too drugged up to realise that i was his daughter. i saw my dad in lorenz, i saw him so crystal clear.

"hey, what happened? are you okay?" abby asked once i entered the room.

the door to my room opened revealing lorenz. "i'm leaving."

i released the breath i didn't realise i'd been holding. "why?"

he sighed. "i don't think anyone really wants me around anymore."

"what? why do you say that?"

"what? why do you say that?" he mocked in a high pitched voice. "geez you're so fucking clueless. you're such a cunt. from the first day you saw me you've been acting like i'm a chore. like i'm just a fucking drag when in reality i came here because i care for you and your family and you didn't have enough decency to even act like you care about me."

his words left me speechless because how the fuck was i supposed to respond to that? i understood him, i had been acting like he was a chore, like i didn't want to be around him. i hadn't realised how much my actions had affected him.

"alright, lorenz, i'm sorry. i get how i've been acting may piss you off and make me seem like i don't care but i promise i do. i care about you, i've been trying so hard to remember you but i just can't. i'm sorry for making you feel this way, now if you could please just unpack so we can talk about thi-"

"oh fuck off you cunt. all of a sudden you care?" he yelled, cutting me off. "you know what? you're the fucking drag ara."

"lorenz i don't understand why you're acting this way. what do you want me to do?"

"i want you to fucking die!"

and with that he walked out and slammed the door loudly behind him, leaving both that and his words to echo after him.

i looked down at my hands, counting my fingers, a habit i'd developed any time i became nauseous or dizzy.

"are you okay?" abby asked, rubbing my back.

"i don't understand what i did wrong," i whispered helplessly.

"you did nothing wrong, he wasn't that important to us anyway."

"we grew up together."

she sighed. "do you remember it?"

i shook my head.

"then what's the issue? you guys grew apart, it doesn't matter anymore."

i looked over at her. "growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled."

she gave me a sad smile, squeezing my thigh, then laid back down, allowing the peaceful silence to engulf us.