in your eyes

chapter three

ara

everytime the clock struck eleven, the house became dark for five minutes.

for five minutes after it hit eleven, the tension became thick, the people quiet and glum. it had been that way for as long as i remembered it, though i never knew why.

i was used to it.

it was a snowy and hazy day. my nose was numb, along with my toes and fingers and every other part of my body. even then i didn't regret wearing a short black skirt and a black jumper that was sizes too big for me. i loved the cold, even though it didn't exactly love me.

opening the door of the small cafe, i was immediately overwhelmed with the sweet smell of cakes and breads and coffee. it wasn't as crowded as it usually was, which i was grateful for. ordering a black iced coffee, i made my way to the table i always sat at. i opened my favourite book that i had been re-reading for the third time. 'call me by your name'.

here i was in his bed, staying put out of an exaggerated sense of courtesy. "you can go to sleep, if you want" he said, perhaps the kindest words he'd ever spoken to me, a hand on my shoulder, while i, judas-like, kept saying to myself, if only he knew. if only he knew i want to be leagues and a lifetime away from him. i hugged him. i closed my eyes. "you're staring at me," i said, with my eyes still shut. i liked being stared at with my eyes shut.

someone was staring at me. i could feel their eyes burning holes into me, making me feel extremely uncomfortable but i just sat there, my eyes glued to the pages whose words were starting to become all jumbled up and hard to understand. my coffee arrived and as i took a sip of the bitter liquid, i tried my hardest to brush off the feeling and return to my books.

i needed him as far away as possible if i was to feel better and forget- but i needed him close by in case-

i couldn't focus. i closed my book and peered around, a man sitting at the table across from me caught my eye as he immediately looked away. what the fuck was his deal? he kept glancing and looking away, until he finally stood up and walked to my table and sat down.

shit.

"excuse me," he mumbled shyly.

i looked up at him with curious eyes. he was quite attractive if i was being honest. "yes?"

he shuffled his chair closer to mine. "ara?"

"can i help you?" i asked, shuffling my chair further from his.

"it's me, lorenz. remember?"

lorenz. lorenz huxx. my mind immediately went back to the conversation with my dad. there was no way i could ever forget a name as weird as his but at the same time i had no fucking clue who he was. nor did i really give a shit. i'd gone to the cafe to avoid people i knew, to be alone with my book but every where i went people fucking followed. what was a girl supposed to do to be left alone? i knew what i had to do. i'd pretend i was one of those deaf - mutes. that way i wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid, useless conversations with anybody. and if anyone was so desperate to speak to me, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. they'd grow really fucking bored having to do that after a while, and then i'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life. everybody'd think i was just some poor deaf - mute person and they'd leave me alone. i'd cook all my own food, and later on if i was dying to be married, i'd meet someone beautiful that was also deaf - mute and we'd get married. they'd live in my house with me and if they wanted to say anything to me, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper. like everybody else.

"ara?" he called, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"i'm sorry, am i supposed to?" i replied bitterly. for fucks sake man i just wanted to read my book and drink my coffee.