in your eyes

chapter twenty

ara

i don't know if you've ever felt like that, like you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. or just not exist. or just not be aware that you do exist. or something like that. i thought wanting that was very morbid, but i wanted it when i became worse like this. that was why i was trying not to think. i just wanted it all to stop spinning. yet i couldn't help but think. especially about the person who was occupying my bed.

i walked in, admiring my surroundings. i missed my room, my bed, my floors, my closet, my bathroom, everything. but i missed the person sleeping on my bed the most. legs sprawled out in a starfish position, taking up most of the bed as they always did, hair messy and drool dripping onto the pillow. so i did what any sane person would do. i jumped on the bed, right on top of the person.

"what the fuck!"

i fell off, landing on my stomach as i laughed hysterically. i was way too high.

"hi abby," i called, still giggling loudly.

she squinted her eyes at me, a pillow in her hand ready to hit me with. "ara?"

"what's good bitch."

then it was her turn to jump on me. she landed with a loud oof, knocking the air out of me and wrapping her arms and legs around my torso.

"i missed you, you whore!" she yelled in my ear.

i held her in my arms tightly, breathing in her scent. i'd missed abby, everything about her, but mostly how she was with me. the last person i'd genuinely been happy with was her, well technically toby, but still abby. we rolled on the ground until i was on top of her. i pulled away from the hug a little, staring into her big bright eyes that seemed even brighter now that i was here. the big smile on her face warmed my heart and made little butterflies erupt in my stomach. everything about abby was so beautiful, her looks, her personality, absolutely everything and i had no clue how i'd gone so long without seeing her.

i did feel bad about leaving lo and my dad but i couldn't stay any longer, not after what happened with lorenz. i saw him sleeping my room before i left and it took every ounce of me not to change my mind, but i really, really couldn't stay in that house any longer.

it was all too much.

so i'd just left a small note on the bed next to him and prayed that he wouldn't be furious with me and that maybe, he'd understand. i rewrote the note way too many times because at first it was too short and then too long and then not worded well. but finally i'd given up on trying to make it perfect and just made it short and brief.

couldn't stay any longer, needed a break. please don't be angry.

- ara

after a little while, abby and i moved to the bed, watching a cartoon, high as a kite. the rest of the night just included us laughing, smoking and a teeny bit of flirting. just slightly, although it was enough for me to realise how in love i still was with her. at around 12:30 am, we decided to go to a club. abby wasn't asking anything about the hospital or how i was feeling or anything serious in general, and i was extremely grateful for that. i wanted to have fun, enjoy myself and forget everything for once. abby and i changed in and out of a bunch of different dresses until we decided what to wear. i wore a silky emerald body con dress that hugged my curves perfectly and matched my hair and made me feel incredibly beautiful. abby on the other hand looked breathtaking in a long red silky dress that hugged her waist tightly and showed off her assets.

when we finally arrived at the club, it was absolutely packed.

the first thing abby did was guzzle down a row of shots, passing every other one to me as we toast. a middle aged woman on the other side of the club who looked awfully familiar caught my eye. her features, the way she danced, the way she spoke, everything looked familiar and maybe even a little bit like me, mirroring me.