in your eyes

chapter twenty three

ara

"i love you, ara."

oh how much i'd missed those words, how much i thought i'd never hear them again but here i was, those words leaving those lips which i'd never thought i'd kiss again. too bad something else was crowding my mind, not allowing me to enjoy the moment as much as i wanted to.

lorenz had been so patient and supportive with me which i really was grateful for but i also felt kind of guilty because ever since the day that he came to my room, he hadn't been the same. he was different, quieter, his laughs not as loud as they used to be and even his smile didn't reach his eyes. i couldn't help but think that it was my fault, my fault because maybe i shouldn't have unloaded everything on him like that, my fault because maybe he was going through his own shit and i'd been selfish and just talked and talked and never listened. because ever since the day abby and i became close again, he'd been avoiding me as if his life depended on it.

everyday he used to come to my room with breakfast, which he had cooked, and would force me to eat and drink something other than alcohol. then he'd sit around and listen and talk and laugh with me and at night he'd sleep next to me, making sure i didn't have nightmares and when i did, he would immediately wake up and murmur reassuring words to me and he never went to sleep before me. he made me better, and i wanted to make him better. after a week or so i finally left my room which he was so incredibly proud of me for. and soon after that abby and i started talking more and more and we both realised we had feelings left for each other but just agreed not to date.

"you okay, bebe?"

i gazed up at the person whose voice had snapped me out of my thoughts. she was still beyond beautiful, still so lovely and kind and-

why did lorenz look so upset?

"ara?"

"y- yes?" i muttered, steering my gaze away from lorenz and to abby. she looked slightly irritated by me which stung a little but i didn't let it faze me too much.

"you good?"

i wrapped my arms around her shoulders, placing my face in her neck, the softness of her skin and the feeling of her making fireworks burst all over my body.

"abby," i whispered sweetly, moving my head up so it was right against her ear. "don't leave me again, okay?"

she laughed, the most soothing and lovely sound i could listen to forever. "I'm never leaving you."

and... lorenz left, leaving me confused as to why. why had he been acting so weird and distant and why the fuck was he avoiding me?

without realising what was happening, i stood up and chased him up the stairs to his room, my limbs moving quickly on their own.

"lo," i called outside his room, about to walk in when he slammed the door right in my face. what was happening? "lorenz!"

"go away!"

i was taken back by those words. he'd never acted so rough and loud with me, he was always sweet and gentle and kind which made me believe that he was really going through it right now.

"please lo, i just want to talk," i found myself pleading just like he had a few days ago. was this really how i'd acted? god, i was a bitch.

suddenly the door opened, revealing a very angry lo, his chest heaving up and down with every breath, his fists clenched shut and his body extremely tense. not knowing what to do, i did the dumbest thing imaginable.

i smiled widely. "hi."

and he just groaned, shutting the door again and returning to his room but this time, the door was left unlocked. assuming he'd obviously wanted me to enter- because who the fuck didn't like my presence- i carefully peeked inside, seeing him sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. i wanted to run to him and hold him and ask him who or what made him feel so upset. but i didn't do that. instead i took slow and careful steps and sat next to him, scared that if i made one wrong move he'd shut me out again.