Before Everything

Chapter 34

Nia's Pov

I've had many thoughts about Blake. Of course, I still like him and I think that he's the sweetest boy on Earth but something about him makes me confused.

It's been like a dream with him and we haven't had any problems and I can't say that actually, we have problems now but he just seems so weird. He's not the same Blake who I got to know when we first met.

Everything started when we had a fight a while ago. A fight, wow, you might think but it wasn't normal.
First of all, I just said that I don't like how he doesn't get anything done and just lays in his bed all day, skips school and his reason for that is just that he didn't feel like going to school.
Like, what?! That's not a reason. I don't ever feel like going to school and I still don't sleep all day and hardly do anything. And I get that we have the SAT's coming up so he may be tired because of that but you don't just abandon your whole life because of that. And besides Blake has always been at school no matter what, so his behavior was definitely weird.

So when I said it to him and dear God I wish I hadn't, he started accusing me how I make him feel like a total zero and how he wants to die because he feels like he has disappointed me and everyone else around him. He also told me how he doesn't deserve me and that I should leave him because he's not good enough for me.

I was floored. He had never acted like that. I mean like never. I just tried to comfort him but he just kept saying how he doesn't deserve my comfort because he's such a disgusting and bad person. I apologized to him because I didn't know what else to do. But it didn't work. I just left his house and told that I would pick up some food and suggested him to calm down. And then he just started crying out loud. Out of nowhere.

Is he on period or something, I said quietly out loud when I closed the front door.

I picked out some Mexican food because I know how much Blake loves it. I couldn't stop thinking about his weird behavior. What was wrong with him?

I got back at his house and he was like a totally different person. He was much happier and called me babe. It was so weird. That was the first time when I thought that everything's not okay inside his head. But then I just ignored those thoughts because he's so dreamy. He couldn't have anything wrong in his mind, he's my perfect Blake.

Well, weeks went on and everything was normal. Some days were difficult and some days really good. So I didn't think about it anymore.

One day I decided to surprise Blake by showing up to his house and I had food with me. When I arrived at their house I noticed that their front door was open which was weird because I didn't see anyone. I slowly closed my car's doors and went silently to the front door and noticed Mike there. He had his jacket on so he was probably leaving, that's why the door must've been open. But he looked very angry, I hadn't ever seen him like that. I stood behind the door so that they couldn't see me and tried to listen to what they were talking about. And yes, I heard everything. And I'm not sure would've I wanted to.

"Why are you being so mad at me? Can't you see I'm doing fine right now?" Blake said.
"Blake, please. You don't understand, the pills are good for you. You can't just stop eating them if you feel better. You feel better because of them. You can't do things like this!"
"How many times do I have to tell you? I haven't stopped them entirely. I'm still eating them."
"Yeah, half of the amount you should. I'm pretty sure all your symptoms have come back because I've seen some of them coming back already."
"No. Not all of them."
"See! They are back. Do you want to have that life again to yourself?? Where you want to kill yourself and make every one of your dearest ones to be worried about?! Do you?!"
"Well no..."
"Exactly, no!"
"... but I feel better now than then."
"Yeah, so you say. Don't you remember the last time? How terrible it was? You don't have any idea how terrible you mom, Alex and I felt. NO IDEA!"
Blake was quiet and then I decided to swoop in.

"Hey! Oh, hi Mike, you're here too!"
"Yeah... I'm leaving. This conversation didn't benefit me at all. I hope it made Blake think about something", he said and gave him a strict look.

Mike left Blake's house and I just tried to chew over everything that I had heard. I tried to act normal but it was hard. I couldn't think anything else. We just ate the food I brought and I left home. I couldn't take it anymore.

At home, I racked my brain what would be wrong with Blake. And the only conclusion I got was that he has some kind of mental illness. Maybe depression. And he has stopped eating his medication. But I couldn't ask him about it. Then he would know that I had eavesdropped him and Mike. So I decided that I should just follow how things go on. And if things get very serious or there's something major about his behavior I could speak to his mom or Mike. I should actually ask some breezy questions from Mike about Blake. Or maybe I should ask Maddie to ask Mike something. No, it would get too complicated. I am in a relationship and we're talking about my boyfriend's mental health. I should just talk to him. Maybe. Gosh. Why is this so hard...

So one day I decided that I had had enough. I just walked up to Mike before class and saw him there having a pretty intimate moment with Maddie. Maddie was leaning on the wall and Mike was standing close to her. He tugged a lock of her hair behind her ear and said something to her that made her giggle. Gosh, they looked happy. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. I know I shouldn't but when things with Blake aren't going well I really don't want to get a glimpse of my best friend's perfectly happy relationship. I guess I was thinking irrationally because the next thing I knew I was walking towards them.

I slammed my hand on the wall to get them out of it and I turned to Mike.
"What the hell is wrong with Blake?"

Mike looked quite surprised and Maddie just looked shocked.

"What do you mean?" he asked me with an uncertain tone suddenly he looked worried.
"Did something happen to him?"
He started taking out his phone.
"Mike, everything okay?" Maddie put her hand on his arm.
"Yeah, Mike why would you assume something happened to him?" I questioned further.

I was going to get my answers one way or another. Mike looked at me for a solid minute. Finally, he sighed and gave Maddie a quick peck on the lips and told her that they'll talk later. He turned to me.

"Let's go to a better place to talk."
I started following him but Maddie stopped me.
"Wait! Nia, is everything okay? What's going on?"
She looked very worried.
"I'm not really sure what's going on. That's what I'm trying to find out. I'll tell you once I've found out", I assured her.
"Okay then... I'll see you."

I walked behind Mike wondering where we were going. We stopped at the library doors. He looked at me and stepped in. Then he found us a quiet corner where nobody would bother us.

"Okay, Blevins spill it, what's going on and don't even think about lying to me", I tried to sound as threatening as possible.

Finally, he let out a deep sigh.

"Look, Nia, I don't know how much you know and what you heard the other day but-"
"Wait, you knew I was eavesdropping?" I abruptly stopped him.
"Yeah, it was pretty obvious but I don't think Blake knows."

Okay, that's a good thing.

"Mike please, just tell me what's wrong with him", I pleaded.
"I'm sorry Nia but I really can't."
"Why not?" I got frustrated.
"It's really not my place to tell you. If Blake feels like he wants to tell you then he will."
"But what if he won't tell me?"
"He will, I know it. You might not know it but you mean much more to him than you think."
"But..."
"All you need to do is be there for him and support him through hard times, okay?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, if that's all, I'll leave you to it", he said and got up.
"Thanks, Mike..." I muttered he gave me a nod and walked away.

How is it that I came to Mike to get answers, but instead I'm left with even more questions without answers to them? What on Earth is Blake hiding from me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Authors' note

The question of the day:
-  Do you have school uniforms or dress code at your school?

What do you think Blake is hiding?
What did you think of Nia's Pov?

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