Endless

55 Days Before

55 DAYS BEFORE

My chest hurts, my lungs are burning and i feel like i am choking on something. I can feel the darkness disapate from around me and i see light shining through. I feel strangely at peace dispite the pain shooting through the length of my body, My limbs feel disconnected and i don't feel like i have control over anything. Hopefully this means the end is near, that i can give up and let go.

Slowly the air around me becomes lighter and noisier, i can hear constant beeping and something compressing and expanding. There is a quiet bussle of shuffling feet, keyboard tapping and hushed whispers coming from somewhere to the right of me. My eyelids feel so heavy, but i can feel them slowly getting lighter. I slowly turn my neck from side to side, only to feel it stiffen, and something down my throat is preventing me from stretching any further. I begin to panic as i feel a thin tube blocking one of my nostrils, my body is aching and my stomach feels like its about to burst.

I strain to open my eyes and find myself in a dimly lit hospital room. Out of the corner of my eye i can see a small boy asleep on a couch placed underneath a window on my left. On my right i see a woman sitting in a chair next to my bed, her head resting by my arm, her beautiful brown curls spread out across my right leg. She seems so peaceful, although i have no idea who she is. I look straight ahead to the wall opposite me, the clock on the wall shows that it is currently 1:15. Factoring in the lack of sunlight that would normally creep out from beneath the curtains if it was the middle of the afternoon, i assume it's the middle of the night.

I try and take a deep breath and struggle the reality of the situation dawns on me. I feel a tear fall from my eye and then i can't help the endless flow, which causes me to choke and changes my vitals enough to alert a nurse.

I just can't stop crying. I can't believe i'm still alive, and that hurts more than any physical pain i am currently feeling.

*        *        *

The bussle around me wakes me from my sleep, the room fills with nurses fussing over the crying girl in front of me. I am pushed to the back of the room, as they try and calm her down before she chokes on the tubes. I hear Noah wake and cry for me from across the room. I grab him and move out of the room to allow the nurses to do their jobs.

I hold Noah and look through the class windows of her room, they slowly pull the tube out of her throat to allow her to breathe on her own. There are still tears flowing down her cheeks but the sobbing has stopped, Then she screams, loud and piercing, she starts flinging her arms around. She's scared and her screams and sobs rip me apart. I can't just stand here anymore and let this continue.

I stroll into the room and place Noah back on the couch, he is reaching and calling for me, so i calm him before moving towards her bed. The nurses give me strange looks wondering what i am doing.
"Would you like some help?" i say sturnly as i look them over, they nod towards me while they continue trying to hold the poor girl down.

 I place my hand on her left arm and she immediately stops screaming, she looks up at me with her deep blue eyes, they scream pain on their own. She focuses on my eyes and stares intently for what seems like hours before she speaks in such a soft tone.
"Who are you?" i can feel the caution in her voice as she trys not to anger me.
"I'm just here to help you." Her eyes shift between me and the other nurses around us, she looks into her lap as she questions me again.
"Why?" This time it sounds like a five year has said it, she peers at me through her long eyelashes with tears waiting to fall down her face.
"You're alone aren't you?" she nods, "well me and my friend found you and i thought that you could have someone in your corner." i pause as i gauge her reaction and watch as she processes this information, i continue, "i also know what it's like to always be alone, and you shouldn't have to be."

She stares at her hands again before, what i believe to be her guarded personality, effortlessly slips into place. "Well if you're here to help me, you can start by telling these nurses to let me go." the sass and false confidence filters through on every word she spits from her mouth.
"okay but if they do you can not kick off again." i try to remain calm and in my victim voice, cause i can't allow myself to get angry at this change otherwise it could back fire.
"Fine, fine." they slowly let her go, "oh and if you could remove this stupid tube from my nose that would be greatfully appreciated." she fires with fake sincerity.
The nurse looks at me, fear in her eyes, as she shakes her head.
"What the hell do you mean no? its my body you can't just force things into it i don't want." i can see the anger inside her getting ready to blow.
"Um," the nurse is shaking scared of the out burst that will follow the bad news she has to share. "Unless, you are willing to eat on your own we can not take the tube out."
Peyton's anger disapates as the tears finally break free, "you're force feeding me, why?"
"you need the food to live honey." i say rubbing my hand up and down her arm.

She moves her arm and places it under the blanket, and turns away from me. I hear her sniffle before she whispers her reply.
"I don't want to live."
My heart breaks, i back away from her bed and grab my son. As i leave i turn back to look at her and she is peering at me from beneath the covers, her eyes tired and worn out. She needs her rest and so i will leave her alone but i can see the slient plea in her eyes for the only person to stick by her, a stranger.

'Please don't leave me.'

"I won't," i whisper as she closes her eyes to sleep.