Endless

25 Days Before

25 DAYS BEFORE

I throw the case file on my desk and, let out a sigh. I run my fingers through my hair and try and pull my thoughts together. No more leads, no more victims, no more anything. We are currently at a dead end, with no where to go and no way to help these poor children. On top of that my mind can not stop moving back to Elliot. The way he touched me, the way he kissed me, the way i woke up in his arms. We haven't been out since, but I'm wondering if i should ask him over for dinner tomorrow. It will be Sunday night roast and I would love for Noah to meet him.

God damn he has my mind racing, my heart pumping and i know this is going to hurt like hell, but for right now i don't care. I smile thinking about his lips on my neck, i reach up and run my fingers over the spot, before returning back to the stack of paperwork cluttering up my desk.

*        *        *

They scream at me, over and over again, they are so loud I can't hear anything else. I feel so trapped in this darkness. I thought i was past this i thought they would leave me alone, but they have returned full force to claim what is theirs.

I lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a split second and in that split second they completely consume be and i feel myself break. They pull at my mind and pick it apart. The happy thoughts are thrown and stood on, shattered into a million pieces. I watch them disintergrate into the darkness, as the walls of my mind close in around me. They scream so loud, "why are you still here," "Liv doesn't want you in her life," "what are you teaching Noah?" "how to screw up thats all."

I sit up straight and stare around the empty apartment, and just watch as the darkness filters out of my mind and begins to fill up every corner of the surrounding room. It's suffocating, it's loud, it's frightening and it will quickly send me spirally back into it, drawing me into its closeness and truth. I grab my purse and turn and run from the apartment. I sprint down the stairs occassionally looking over my shoulder to find the black cloud following me. All arms and leg,s I miss the bottom step and feel myself going flying across the loby of her apartment building, my face hitting the cold floor and my bag skidding towards the door. I scramble to my feet and head onto the street, swooping up my bag in the process.

I can not go back to that place, to that darkness, loneliness, emptiness. I can't go back to being trapped, I need to head towards my light and fast.

*        *        *

I can't help but grin from ear to ear, she is everything i expected and more. I love her more than i even realised but i do not care anymore i am happy, and i am not going to give that up anytime soon.
"Stabler? Stabler? Stabler!"
"Huh?" i turn to find Fin leaning with his palms on my desk, "Sorry Fin you called me,"
His eyes become slits, as he tries to gauge the change i have undergone, "I need to talk to you. Roof?"
"Um, yeah. sure." I get up from my desk and follow him up the stairs to the roof. He doesn't look back, he doesn't say a word. He is fixed on the roof and he will not waver from his course.

We get onto the roof, and the wind is blowing and it's freezing but Fin doesn't flinch. He continues to walk until he hits the rail at the edge of the building and looks out across the city. I move until i am around 3 metres from him and i stand with my hands behind my back, waiting for him to start the conversation. He bows his head and shakes it before he speaks in a soft, broken tone. A tone i have never heard Fin use before.

"Don't you hurt her again," I go to speak when he raises his hand to silence me. He turns to face me the pain and love he has for Liv evident in his face, "I can't take what happened last time again man, it broke me, and this time now that you have slept together the fall out will be worse. Much worse."
I look at him stunned, "She told you?" i whisper.
He shakes his head, "No, but i knew the moment she walked in the squad room the morning after. She was so happy. Baby girl is happy for once, genuinely happy and i knew she got what she has wanted for a long time." He looks up from the concrete and stares at me intently, I'm not sure if it's my turn to speak but then he opens his mouth and breathes out slowly. "You."

He pushes off the railing and moves so that we are nose to nose, he grabs the sides of me face and leans his forehead against mine. This moment is something i have never shared with Fin before, kind of a brotherly like gesture. I think this means a truce for now, but like me his main priority is Olivia and i silently thank him for that. He lets go of my face and heads towards the exit without another word.

"I won't hurt her this time Fin," I turn around as he stops with his hand on the doorway.
"Yeah you will," he lets out deflated and worn out, "but this time, you will break with her and neither of you will survive it." And with that he leaves.

He leaves me standing on that roof, in the cold, with the truth just hanging heavily in the air.

*        *        *       

 It's following me, gaining with every footstep i take. I can see the precinct and i breakout into a full on sprint as i make my way up the stairs towards the elevator doors. I rapidly push the elevator button, willing it to come faster. I look down at my feet to see the darkness making its way up my legs, trying it's hardest to make it's way back into the depths of my shattered heart. I bounce on my feet trying to shake it off, only to see a devilish grin appear from within it's shadows, it's teeth sharp and dripping. It knows i can not escape, that i can not stop it's advances on my own and right now there is no one to help me.

The elevator arrives and i practically barge into the people exiting as i rush to make it up the 3 floors to Olivia's office. I feel my insides being drained and I can't do a damn thing to stop it from seeping from within me. My chest feels tight and heavy, my lungs are shrinking making it hard to breathe. My head is dizzy making it hard to stand, hard to see. The elevator doors open on the 3rd floor and i almost don't notice my mind is so dangerously clouded,

I stumble from the elevators and make my way slowly into the squad room. I look down to see the smile, grinning at me from my chest before i watch i seep into me. I pull at my shirt, scratching and clawing, trying to get it out, when the tears begin streaming down my face. I move crazily towards her office just willing her to feel my presence and emerge in time to save me. I look around to see Elliot moving in slow motion towards me, devilish faces, shadowed and dark surrounding every inch behind him.

I can't breathe.

I can't see.

My heart hurts.

I'm suffocating.

I want to scream, someone help me.

"Peyton are you okay love?" I almost fall to the floor when i feel Elliot's arms wrap securely around me, catching me. "Peyton can you hear me?" I claw at his arms, trying to find something stable, something bright, something positive to hold on to. They are laughing at me now and my heart is pounding so face, my breathing slowing, getting more and more shallow. 

"Liv, I-I-I-I-I need L-L-Liv," i stutter out, i can vaguely hear knocking on a door, when my vision goes and all i can see is the giant gapping mouth, laughing at me, it's teeth dripping.

Dripping with blood. "Hurry please," i don't know if i say it out loud, or if it's just in my head. I can still lightly feel Elliots arms around me, when the mouth speaks.

"Gotcha, hahahahahahaha," it's evil laugh surrounding me, engolfing me, trapping me. 

That's when i feel it, and everything around me comes back into view, I stare into Elliot's blue eyes. I hear Liv scream my name from the door of her office. "Peyton."

And just like that.

My heart gives out.