Endless

40 Days Before

40 DAYS BEFORE

I stare out the window of the sedan as we sit on the sidewalk. I watch them walk towards the preschool and go inside. My heart aches to follow her, or call her, something; but i just can't find the will power.
"Who is she?" Mike asks softly as he looks over my shoulder towards the doors Liv disappeared through.
"My old partner." I don't turn to look at him, as the look in my eyes will give away more than i am willing to share.
"So why don't you go and talk to her?"
"It's complicated, i didn't really leave on the best terms and i'm not so sure she will want to talk to me." I feel the anger bubble up inside me as i think back on how she must have felt when Cragen told her, i had up and left her without warning.
"Sorry to hear that man." Mike clasps his hand on my shoulder and sighs, "how long were you partners?"
I watch her walk out of the preschool and get into her car. She drives past us towards the one-six precinct.
I release the breath i was holding.
"Twelve years."

* * *

My skirt rides up as I'm dragged by my hair through the cold alleyway. Gravel scraping at the backs of my legs, rubbing them raw. I focus on the street light at the edge of the pavement, trying not to let it get out of sight.

I feel the man slow down as we turn a corner and enter a vacant lot, occupied only by a delivery van. The night sky is dark so making out any distinct landmarks is proving impossible. He stops just shy of the van.
This is my only chance.

I twist and I turn and make a sudden jerk, to feel my hair pull free from his grasp. I do my best to clammer to my feet and try and run back the way we came from. My broken heels and twisted ankle make this a painful and slow journey. Then my knees buckle and I crash face first into concrete, breaking my teeth.

I stretch out my arms and use all of my upper body strength to drag myself, one arm after the other. I keep my head down and my body moving as I hear the top of a man hole rattle beneath me. My heel gets caught and I shake my foot to try and get it loose, with no luck.

I feel something hard come crashing down on the back of my head. Hard enough to disorientate me, but not enough to knock me out. The man grabs hold of both my ankles and drags me back to outside the van. I hear the door slide open and I use all the energy I have left to scream. It's not very loud, as I can barely hear it myself, but it's enough to rattle him, as I hear his hesitation.

A voice sounds out deep and frightening, "leave her, she's going to be too much trouble."
"Yes boss."
The van door slides shut and clicks into place.
I sigh with relief for a split second as I indulge the idea of being let go. The man turns me over and that belief is shattered in an instant.

I feel the rain begin to fall from above me, the night sky and stars masked by the continuous flow of droplets raining from the sky. My dress is soaked through, my eyes stinging from the mixture of tears and rain. I take a deep breath as I stare down the barrel of a .6mm pistol. He clicks back the safety and in that moment I except my fate. I lay there and pray. For my mother and father, my younger sisters, hoping one day they will look back and not remember me this way, but smiling and happy.

He pulls the trigger, before jumping into the van and speeding off into the night.

The bullet drills into my skull, shattering it and barreling right through stopping once it hits the concrete beneath me. The blood streams from my wound and surrounds me in a halo of deep red.

The sound of the gun shot ricochets into silence.