Endless

5 Hours Before

5 HOURS BEFORE

I sit in my car coming back from yet another interview for another possible contract, with yet another NFL team. I still can't quite decide where i want to go but i think one of the teams in New York will probably be my best bet, so I can still be close to Peyton.
I sit in traffic that just seems to go on for days, i wish i hadn't left my phone at home now i can't call Peyton and see if she wants me to pick her up. We could watch a movie or make love all afternoon, either or i just need to be near her. I can still feel the way her skin felt against mine last night as i showed her over and over again how much i love her.

Something about last is bugging me a little though, she seemed a little too relaxed. This decision she has made worries me a little, how big of a choice has she made. What sort of life change could rid her of her demons so quickly and so permanently. I let my mind race through all the possiblities as my car continues to crawl along this main road.

*        *        *

This traffic towards the airport is ridiculous, we have already been sitting in it for around 40 minutes. Noah is getting restless and hungry.
"Good thing we left early," i mumble to El, who's hands are turning white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.
"Yip," he gritts out through clenched teeth. I sigh, silently praying this traffic moves forward soon.

*        *        *

I pull the vaccumn out the hall closet and clean the whole entire apartment. Living room, my room, Noah's room, Liv's room, the kitchen and bathrooms as well. I clean all the windows, the glass covering the coffee table.
I move into my room and grab a few pieces of paper, envelopes and a pen. Before sitting at the counter with a cold glass of orange juice. I pour my heart out over and over again on each piece of paper until there are 7 finished letters all neatly folded and placed into separate envelopes. Their names printed neatly on the outside of each envelope. I pile them neatly on the kitchen counter ready to be recieved.

All except one. This one i take and tuck neatly in one of the pillowcases around my pillow. She won't get hers till later. Not until she really needs it.

*        *        *

We finally park the car at the airport and move towards the check in area. Granted we are extremely early, but it means we can take our time with goodbyes.
God i am going to miss her. I lace my fingers with hers as we walk, not wanting to ever let go. I glance down at her and can see her eyes are already shining with tears.

"I'm coming back," i whisper but i'm not sure if i am reasuring her, or making sure that i know this is what i need to do.

*        *        *

We are all gathered in the squad room. It is pretty quite as we all finish our paper work.
I had contemplated going to the airport to support Liv and hold her together afterwards, but i decided against it.
She'll be fine i said.
They need this time together i said.
Now though I'm not so sure.

"Worried about Liv?" Amanda's soft tone filtering over the top of our computer screens.
"Can't help it." I lean back in my chair and lace my hands over my stomach.
"She's a big girl Fin, she can take care of herself."
"Yeah, i hope so."

"He is going to come back though right? He is not just going to leave her hanging." I look up and into Nick's eyes, he feels about her the same way i do. He is like her sister and he will do anything he can to protect her.
"God man i hope so."