Lessons learned

chapter 7

'I hate boys, I hate them. I'm so done with boys and their stupid little fucking problems.' I complain to Peter as he listens intently on his bed next to me.

'Hey, I'm a boy here don't forget.' He defends his gender. 'Yes Peter but you're different, you don't break up with a girl and then suddenly just want her back because you realise that you finished sleeping around.' I huff.

'That is true, please continue your rant about why you hate boys.' I let out a groan in frustration.

'Who the hell does Logan think he is anyway? Did he think that I was just going to go back out with him? Does he have no respect for me?' I ask wanting answers from Peter. 'Well Nic-'

'And another thing.' He sits back and continues to listen.

'Do I really look that weak to him? Was I giving out this pathetic take me back vibe? Of course I'm not going to go running back to him no matter how much I still love him.' He nods but then regret creeps in.

'But what if I did the wrong thing? What if he has changed and I've just made the worst mistake of my life? What if he didn't sleep with anyone else and now he's just sitting all alone? What if he's crying?' I start to worry thinking that I didn't hear him out.

'Nic please stop freaking out it's scaring me. Look I'm going to tell you something that I don't know how you're going to react to it, okay?' I nodded slowly, I hope what he says is good.

'When I came back to this dorm the night that he told you he wanted you back, he was here.' My heart stops. 'He...he wasn't alone Nic.'

My mouth suddenly dries and if I wan't sitting I would have crashed down to the floor. 'He was here with James though right?' I ask hopefully, he runs his tongue over his bottom lip and shakes his head.

'A girl Nic, he was here with a girl.'

I clutch my chest and hunch forward trying to catch my breath. While I was back at my dorm crying he was here with another girl. When I thought that maybe he had changed and he wanted to get back together with me he was with someone else.

In this moment I realise that I was never anything to him, I was just someone to pass the time, he never cared about me and he still doesn't.

I look around me on Peter's bed, I'm sitting here crying over someone that I'm desperately in love with while he's probably out playing tonsil tennis with some whore.

Love sucks and it hurts like a bitch.

'You don't need him anyway Nic.' His voice tries to sooth me but I can't see straight, my vision is blurred with images of Logan and some random girl.

'Was she beautiful?' I need to know this but I'm not sure why, I know the answer is going to hurt me.

'What?'

'Was she beautiful Peter?' I repeat harsly.

'I didn't really see her face in the position that they were in.'

I stood up covering my mouth and started pacing his small dorm.

'Oh God.' I gasped as the images became more real as I looked over to Logan's bed.

Anger courses through me and I walk towards his bed and I start pulling away his pillows and covers, hitting them and pulling them about. The fabric ripped between my fingers just like my heart did beneath his fingers.

I pulled the bottom sheet off my tears staining them, I then moved to the mattress jumping on top of it. 'You broke my fucking heart Logan.' I screamed over and over again as I continued to damage his stuff.