Lessons learned

Chapter 36

I said goodbye to Ben at his car and walked slowly up to my dorm room. Inhaling deeply, I stared at the brown wooden door begging me to enter. I turned away and looked down the corridor my eyes unwillingly settling on Peter's door.

I wanted to go over there and just sit on his bed and talk to him like we used to do before. I wanted him to invite me over just because he wanted to see me. I wanted him to be my best friend again, I need everything to go back to normal.

The opening of my dorm door startled me and I jumped slightly before turning around to see Calli smiling mischievously. I nodded slightly at her before I walked past her and slumped down on my bed.

I watched Calli as she walked over to Indiana's bed and sat next to her, the both of them stared at me as if they were my therapists.

'I'm fine.' I reassured them, they glanced at each other briefly.

The silence that graced the room after that was painful and I felt it nipping at my neck trying to over run me with emotions.

'So, did I miss anything interesting? How's Tom?' I asked Calli in an attempt to get them both to stop staring at me.

She seemed reluctant to change the topic but she couldn't deny the huge smile that grew on her lips. I was happy that she found someone that truly adores her but honestly I couldn't help feeling a little jealous, petty I know.

'He's good, I was with him yesterday. He held my hand and we walked down to the park where he was acting all cute and oh my, I can't even.' She laughed and I smiled at her, she hasn't been happy in so long and I loved seeing her like that.

'Are you guys even dating yet?' I asked and she threw her arms in the air in frustration.

'I don't even know, one second I feel like he's going to ask me out but then the next I'm not so sure.' She groaned and Indiana gently rubbed her back.

'I think you should tell him how you feel.' The two girls gasped before trying to cover it up with coughs.

'What?' I asked when they tried to avoid my eye.

'I don't think I should tell him how I feel, I think he should figure it out.' Calli said a little bit hostile.

'Look you guys clearly both like each other, it would only make sense if you dated.' I laughed standing to go and meet them.

'I don't think that's a good idea, but thanks.' She smiled before sharing another glance with Indiana.

Wondering what they were keeping from me I just smiled and turned my attention to the messy desk over in the corner of the room.

'So what do you want to do now?' I asked looking at the tower of DVDs replacing the space for any work to be done, on the desk.

'Do you want to talk about what happened between you and Peter today?' Indiana quietly suggested, I freezed for a second before shaking my head.

'No it's fine really, nothing exciting happened.' Except from the fact that he gave me his diary to read and then he kissed me.

'He came by when you were out with Ben.' Indiana told me as I moved over to the desk.

Why would he come back?

'Oh yeah?' I said trying to sound casual as I started fiddling with the ornaments on the desk.

'Yeah, we really shouldn't be telling you this.' Calli started hesitantly.

'Tell me.' I demanded softly, not looking at them. I heard one of them sigh so I took a seat on the floor in front of their bed staring intently at them.

'He...he was crying calling out your name.' My heart stopped for a second before it freezed over and I turned cold, he told me to move on and that's what I was trying to do.

'And...' I silently pleaded for them to continue.

'He was drunk, his eyes were puffy and red and it looked like he'd been crying for a while. He slumped down on your bed and just rocked himself, when I went over to him he shook rapidly, telling me that he's sorry. He was a state.' Indiana explained and the image of Peter on my bed crying pained me, but where was he when I was like that?

'Then what?' My voice came out hoarse and broken.

'He asked where you were and I told him that you'd gone out with Ben, he screamed. The sounds drilled itself into my mind, it was horrible. So I held him while he cried and muttered incoherently under his breath. Then once he came to he stared at me and apologized before quickly leaving in embarrassment.'

I was just like this in London, I broke down, I screamed and cried. He can't just yell at me then come in here and fall apart.

'Do you want to talk about it now?' Calli spook up and I looked at her feeling tears in my eyes. I shook my head and headed over to my bed. I lied down on my stomach immediately smelling Peter's sweet scent on my bed sheets, he was here. It took everything in me not to cry and assure myself that I had to move.

The picture of Peter on my bed replayed in my mind and I couldn't quite come to terms with how I was feeling, if he really did like me was it too late?

'I'm fine.' I repeated to them and myself. 'Lets watch a film yeah?' I suggested standing to my feet and choosing the first film that I can see and handed it to Indiana.

'Nic, there's more.' My heart pleaded for them not to tell me but my mind ending up letting them.

Indiana grabbed my arm and sat me down on the bed between them. 'When you left without warning he almost lost it. He came in here when I was in the shower and Calli was in the study hall. He literally started throwing things around the room while yelling some shit that I couldn't make out.'

I looked around the room to seeing the dents on the walls and on the floorboards.

'He tried calling you and he refused to leave this room until he knew that you were safe. He stole my phone and texted and called you from it in the hopes that you would answer him. He slept in your bed and stayed here the entire time Nic.' I looked away from them confused with all this new knowledge.

'He loves you Nic.' Indiana says quietly and I almost laugh.

'He loves me? I doubt it.' But yet the possibilities ran through my mind still tormenting me.

'Give him a chance Nic, he's been through so much.' Calli told me and I almost lost it again.

'Give him a chance? Well where the fuck was he when I was crying and falling apart in London? He was the one that made me go to London in the fucking first place. He drove me away, he did this to himself and you tell me to give him a chance. He hasn't been through half of the shit that I have, he made his choice and I wasn't it.'

They stared at me with wild eyes and I excused myself to the bathroom.

Lesson learned; Sometimes you have to take in the consideration of the phrase; everything happens for a reason. Peter missed his chance with me, maybe that means that there's something better to come for me.