Lessons learned

Chapter 30

So they dragged me against my will to one of the most exclusive nightclub in London. I groaned as they pushed into the VIP line, I hate getting privileges I just want to do something normal for once. The guards let us in without even checking the list and Ben playfully linked his arm through mine and led me through the sweaty bodies of thrusting thirsty people.

I held my hand out for Abby just to make sure that I didn't separate from her, as I don't really know anyone else here.

Ben pulled me to a seating area at the back of the club, the purple sofas were comfortable and they supported my back. Abby and Ben sat on both sides of me and I smiled awkwardly between them.

Lottie, Hazel, Nathan and Zeke all followed shortly after and took a seat in the assigned area.

'Come on Nic, lets go and dance yeah?' Hazel suggested, standing up again and holding her hand out for me. I shook my head and looked away from her, I don't even want to be here right now let alone dance.

'Oh come on don't be a party pooper.' She laughed. Abby leaned over and gave me an encouraging nod and put her thumbs up but I persisted to decline.

'Come dance with me then.' Abby demanded not giving me a choice. She rose to her feet and yanked on my arm and harshly rushed me down to the dance floor.

'I don't want to dance.' I complained. 'I don't give a shit, this is the only way to distract yourself. Now have fun.' She finally smiled and swayed her hips to the beat of the shitty pop song.

I felt two hands being placed on my hip and I turned sharply with my hand raised, ready to attack the pervert.

'Woah, chill!' Ben laughed putting his hands up in surrender. 'Don't do that!' I hit his stomach but allowed his hands to be placed back on my hips.

He brought one of his hands to my cheeks and I pouted like a child, he smiled and ran his finger over my pouted bottom lip. He grabbed it gently between his thumb and index finger.

'Now you see, this isn't what I want to see tonight.' He breathed letting my lips go, I immediately brought it in between my teeth.

'I want to see that beautiful smile of yours.'

It seems weird that I'm so comfortable with Ben after only knowing him for a couple of hours but I just feel like we're going to be really close. He's easy to talk to and I just feel like he won't ever judge me.

I guess I get on better with boys.

I looked over to make sure that Abby was alright but when I see that she's being occupied with Lottie and Hazel I calm down.

Nathan walks past me and Ben dancing with a beautiful red head. He winked at Ben and high fived him. Ben held me to him and danced like a dad at a wedding.

I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of Nathan for some reason. The way he guides that girl's hips against his crotch, the way he whispers into her hair. It just seems all too familiar.

That's when I get it.

He's dancing the exact same way that Peter and Megan were dancing that night that we went to Logan's dad's nightclub. That seems so long ago, that was the last time I slept with Logan and the first time that I realised that I had no chance with Peter.

'Hey, look at me.' Ben placed two fingers under my chin and turned my face so that I looked at him. 'Are you alright?'

'Erm, yeah.' But I wasn't, I wasn't alright.

'I'm just going to go out for some fresh air, okay?' He looked confused for a moment but he nodded and let me go.

I carefully made me way out of the club and sat down on the curb.

An ignorant male walked past me and wolf whistled, I flipped him off which of course only encouraged the smut that he was flowing from his mouth.

'If you ever get tired on sitting on that curb baby you'd could always sit on my face.' He licked his lips multiple times and I cringed looking away from the greasy man.

'Hey, learn to take a compliment.' His friend shouted at me and I sighed and pulled my phone out of my pocket trying to ignore them.

'Fucking bitch.' I heard them mutter before they walked away.

I had three missed calls from Calli and one from Indiana I sent a quick text to Calli telling her that I was alright and I was safe, then I turned my phone off.

I pulled out my cigarettes and lighter, I turned the pack around wondering how many of them I could take to actually slowly, painfully kill myself.

Discarding the dark thought I lit up on of the fags and put the rest away.

'Why are you out here?'

I turned around and looked up at Abby, before moving over on the curb making room for her to sit.

'Fag?'

She politely denied as I took a drag.

'I know you don't want to be here.'

I nodded looking straight ahead.

'But, this is the way that you have to deal with this type of pain. I mean with Logan, you shut yourself away and almost lost all of your friends and I can't let that happen to you again. It might break you and I don't think you're ready to be completely destroyed.'

'I want to be left alone.' I said coldly, smoking again.

'I'm not going to ever let you be alone. I'm scared of what you might do.'

'I'm not going to do anything, that's the problem. I should go straight up to Peter's dorm and just kiss him and tell him that I'm not leaving until he realises that I'm better than her.'

'Then why don't you do that?'

I laughed dryly before answering the obvious.

'Because he'll never realise it, because I'm not good enough. If I refuse to leave I'll be faced with even more rejection because he's made it pretty clear how he feels about me.'

She averted her eyes away from me as if there was something she was hiding but she didn't say anything to me.

'But it's okay because when we go back, I'm going to act as if nothing matters as if I'm alright.'

'What? Why would you do that?'

'I have to, once Peter told me that I was the strongest person that he'd ever met. So...it's time to be strong.' It's what I must do, I can't keep showing him how much he's hurt me. I'm worth more than that.

'If that's what you want.'

No that's not what I want but it's what I need in order to move on. I rub my fingers over my weight tattoo and stand up.

'Lets go for a walk, yeah?' She nodded and stood to her feet, I flicked my fag onto the floor and crushed it.

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Lesson learned; always take time out if you're feeling down/ depressed/ heartbroken. Go out away from all your problems and clear your head.